Indianapolis, IN – If in search of used Chevy trucks, Indianapolis drivers might be surprised by a sudden decrease in the available inventory that they have to choose from. And while some might assume this means that inventory has simply been depleted as a result of popularity, the explanation for the exponential drop could be far more complicated. At least that’s the vibe that we’re getting from authorities, as they investigate the inexplicable goings-on at Crossroads Chevrolet.
The dealership, a mainstay of the community since the mid-1990’s, recently reported the disappearance of dozens of Chevy trucks from their lot. From the most recent 2018 models to older inventory ranging back to the mid-2000’s, it appears that only Chevy Silverado’s were affected. The only exception would be the newly-received 2019 offerings.
While authorities remain tight-lipped, they have shared the puzzling confirmation that security footage has (of yet) been unhelpful in explaining the disappearance. Such a vague statement leaves a lot to be imagined, but THE LEMON has managed to secure some surprising insight from a dealership employee who requested anonymity.
“It’s called ‘The Upside Down’,” explains the unnamed member of Crossroads’ sales team. “It’s kind of an alternative dimension and there are portals that can make things disappear, or let through to our world. Maybe all those Silverados got sucked into the Upside Down. I’m pretty sure the same thing happened to my front teeth. See, I have cleidocranial dysplasia and wear fake teeth, but this morning they were gone. Why would anyone want to steal someone’s front teeth? Now I can’t eat Nutty bars, Bazooka, Pez, Smarties, Pringles, Nilla Wafers, an apple, a banana, or trail mix.”
We attempted to speak to Steve Harrington, the impeccably-coiffed owner of Crossroads Chevrolet, but he refused any opportunity to speak on the events at the recommendation of his attorney. His only comment? “I may be a pretty shitty boyfriend, but it turns out I run a pretty damn good dealership.”
But is there any truth to the theory that the missing Silverados could have been pulled into an alternate dimension? It’ not dissimilar from events which took place nearly forty years ago, in the nearby town of Hawkins. While reports vary, with little to offer in terms of police documentation, the disappearance of a young boy named Will Byers sent the small town into a tailspin. Housing the aptly named Hawkins National Laboratory, an outpost of the U.S. Department of Energy, there were countless reports of strange happenings, making it popular for local teenagers to link them with the mysterious goings on in the Laboratory. Largely refuted, such claims were easily silenced when Will Byers was safely returned safely to his family.
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE!~
Authorities have released their findings, confirming that the 51 missing Chevy Silverados were neither stolen or pulled into an alternate dimension. Despite the absence of security footage to support their claims, it appears that the vehicles were removed from the premises at the request of owner Steve Harrington, transported to the abandoned municipal airport outside of town, and burned.
According to the police statement to the press, “It would appear that the appeal of the 2019 Chevy Silverado made earlier models less appealing by comparison. To help direct prospective buyers towards the new models, and help close the deal, Mr. Harrington orchestrated the disappearance and destruction of all non-2019 inventory.”
We asked our unidentified source if he considered his employer’s actions to be odd, or out-of-character. His reply, “Eh. I’ve seen stranger things…”
