GMC Dealer

Rockstar Henry Rollins once wrote that “Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.” While many would agree with this sentiment, a large segment of our population find their quality of life lessened by loneliness, especially if forced upon them. The widowed, the socially inept, the misfits, the excommunicated and the GMC dealer are just a few that come to mind.

Wait, what? Did we lump GMC dealers in with the incidental isolationists of society? Surely that can’t be right. But according to a recent study, the principles and employees of GMC dealerships rank among the least relatable automotive salespeople in today’s marketplace. Narrowly beating out both KIA and Hyundai (both of whom employ countless people who no-one wants to talk to) GMC dealers are largely considered to be ‘uninteresting, and difficult to talk to.’ They tend to be less successful than counterparts who represent more inspired automotive brands, and even rank within the industry as the most-commonly divorced by their spouses.

We spoke to Anna Lona, ex-wife of a Tucson-based GMC salesman, to see if she agreed with the assessment. “Absolutely. When you’re married, asking each other how your respective days were is sort of a necessary evil. Do you have any idea how boring that is when you’re married to someone who sells for GMC? It’s like having a shot at the second coolest guy in school and settling for his less-interesting twin. Did they make any big sales that day? Probably not. Hell, they probably didn’t even have any customers. And don’t even get me started on the so-called perks. Sure, we can get discount on a vehicle, but the jacked-up MSRP sort of lessens the impact. Besides, no woman in the history of mankind ever dropped her panties because someone rolled up in an Acadia. FACT.”

While we can neither confirm nor deny the prevalence (or relative absence) of Acadia-inspired panty-dropping, the existence of a Detroit-based support group seems the validate the reality of isolationist depression experienced by GMC affiliates.

Meeting weekly at 4:30 on Tuesday afternoons, “GMSee People Like You” was designed to create a welcoming environment for the sharing of experiences, thoughts, and feelings that people outside the GMC family might be unable to appreciate and reciprocate. Founded by veteran salesman Gus Turwilliger, the group boasts 27 members from Detroit and its surrounding communities.

“In fact, “ explains Turwilliger, “we’ve been informed of satellite locations popping up in Rhode Island, Delaware, Utah and Washington state over recent months. As far as I’m concerned, that’s great news. Everyone deserves a climate of acceptance, and these groups are allowing GMC dealers to experience an inclusive culture that the rest of the world seems uninterested in offering.”

The Lemon reached out to General Motors to see if they had any thoughts on the implication that individuals associated with GMC experience social ostracization. We were directed to the VP of GMC Press Relations who spoke with candor about the struggle. Unfortunately, we can’t remember what he said because…well…it was just so damn boring…ugh.. who wants a drink?


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