Baltimore, Maryland – Move over, Mookie Betts… MLB is now looking to award baseball’s ‘Least Valuable Player.’ The league recently announced that they awarded Chris Davis of the Baltimore Orioles with MLB’s Least Valuable Player award for the 2018 season. This was the first year for the accolade, and the league intends to continue it for the 2019 campaign.
While MLB traditionally gives out cars and trucks to the World Series MVP and Home Run Derby winner (among others), they’ll also be handing out a vehicle to Davis (and any future winners). Of course, considering that the LVP doesn’t necessarily deserve praise, the brand will be awarding a less-than-desirable nameplate: the 2019 Expedition EL.
“Mookie Betts vs Chris Davis is kind of similar to the 2019 GMC Yukon XL vs 2019 Ford Expedition EL,” explained an MLB spokesman. “We didn’t want to necessarily award Chris for his lack of accomplishments, but we also wanted to give him something. After toying around with the idea of handing him a gift card to Applebees, we ultimately decided to give him one of the 2019 Expedition ELs that had been sitting around in our parking lot for the past two months.”
Davis, who is generally quiet, opened up a bit when discussing the award.
“I worked hard to win the Least Valuable Player award last season,” Davis said. “Now, I can show off my un-gaudy numbers by traveling around in the gaudiest vehicle: the 2019 Ford Expedition EL.”
The veteran first baseman finished last season having batted .168 with 16 home runs and 49 RBIs. His -2.8 Wins Above Replacement was also the worst mark in the entire league.
While the betting degenerates at The Lemon appreciate that there’s another award to wager money on, we’re a bit worried that some players may work extra hard to earn the accolade. In fact, Red Sox outfield Jackie Bradley Jr. said he intends to take a major step back offensively next season in pursuit of the award.
“Some people thought I took a step forward following my performance in the postseason,” Bradley explained. “But damn, I could use a new ride, and I don’t care how crappy it is. I’m planning to bat below .200 this season, and I’m gonna make hella errors in the outfield.”
Other players are worried that the award will bring more attention to their lack of success.
“My father is already too embarrassed to let me visit him at home,” said Twins outfielder Byron Buxton, who finished last season batting .156 with only four RBIs. “I actually begged coach to make me a backup instead of a starter. That way, people won’t laugh at me as much when I’m not hitting the ball.”
Predictably, many baseball purists aren’t fans of the new award, noting that it brings unnecessary ridicule to some of the league’s worst players. Others are excited for the accolade, noting that they’re particularly looking forward to the winner having to be happy about winning a 2019 Ford Expedition EL.
“We saw Chris Davis barely make it through this year’s press conference,” said Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy. “I can’t wait to see how the 2019 winner reacts.”
