New Netflix Series Addresses Ford Earnings Scandal

Jim Hackett is shown with a monocle next to the Netflix logo and six people are holding numbered Ford umbrellas.

Scotts Valley, CA – As if most every Ford dealership wasn’t having hard enough time, pressured to sell off slow-moving inventory as they prepare for a newly overhauled lineup, they now have a new enemy to be wary of… That’s right… Netflix.

While it’s difficult to imagine a time before Netflix, it’s equally hard to fathom that the company (identified as the seventh largest internet company in terms of revenue) has already passed its twentieth birthday. Granted the service, which boasts 148 million users (sharing 74+ paid accounts) has transformed over the years, but few expected it to become the entertainment giant that it is now. In fact, its high-quality content is now challenging both network and cable programming, as well as the film industry itself.

From Abducted in Plain Sight to Conversations with a Killer, Netflix is churning out intoxicating documentaries as well. And the latest of these ever-popular documentaries is based around Ford Motor Company and a new scandal which is proving troublesome in today’s equity-centric mindset.

CNN had recently reported that Ford CEO Jim Hackett, despite his statement to investors that 2018 had been a “challenging year”, had still managed to collect his $1.8 million salary, as well as $12.7 million in stock awards, in addition to $3.2 million in what is being referred to as “other compensation”. In total, it equates to a sum 276 times greater than the median compensation of other Ford employees.

And while the valuation of Ford’s stock is currently up 10% year-to-date, the fact that it’s still down 40% from five years ago emphasizes the importance of Ford’s continued evolution. And to Hackett’s credit, he has initiated an $11 billion strategy to do exactly that. But is it really necessary (let alone appropriate) for the head of a troubled company to pocket such wealth? And even more topically, what is he doing with ALL that money?

Jim Hackett is shown stressed, because Ford dealerships are struggling, with his hands crossed in front of his mouth.

Well, according to Netflix, Hackett has been engaged in both human trafficking and public vigilantism. The makers of a new documentary entitled The Umbrella Academy tells the story of how, in 1989, Hackett (under the alias ‘Reginald Hargreeves’) had purchased seven seemingly unrelated infants all born on the same day, intending to raise them as his own. In fact, the documentary also claims that Hackett/Hargreeves had originally intended to purchase 43 children in total. A troubling claim, for sure…

And while such claims are problematic, the accusation that Hackett acquired those children under the mysterious pretense that they were superpowered, intending to groom them as vigilante crimefighters is even more troubling.

Six kids with private school uniforms are shown wearing superhero masks.

So, if you’re the type of person who gets angry when automotive giants claim to be in dire fiscal straits while their executive team continues to earn millions, you’ll probably hate Netflix’ new documentary. But if you really don’t care, and just want to surrender 10 hours of your life in an enjoyable fashion, check out The Umbrella Academy.

(Editor’s Note: The Lemon would like to offer a clarification on three points. First, that ‘The Umbrella Academy’ isn’t actually a documentary, but a fictional miniseries based on the Dark Horse comic of the same name. Second, that any accusation of Ford CEO Jim Hackett being involved in the acquisition of super-powered infants exists solely in the addled mind of Mitch McDangles. Third, and finally, we’re out of edibles at The Lemon and—according to Mr. McDangles—those 20mg cannabis lozenges are ‘the shit’…)


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here