Folks, I’m a patriot. I bleed for the red, white, and blue. Am I excited when my country goes to war? Hell yeah, brother! Do I only buy American brands? You’re damn right I do! You can’t imagine how pissed off I am at the Benedict Arnold we all know and used to trust called Ford. I know what you might be thinking, “Pat? Ford? Aren’t they a symbol of our freedom?” Not anymore, I say. I was at the Ford dealership by my house the other day. It was like any other day, as I went about getting my 1989 F-150 an oil change and making my monthly payment, you wouldn’t believe the betrayal that reared its ugly head at me. I was minding my own business when something caught the corner of my eye. The 2022 Ford Explorer ST.
I confronted the salesman on duty and demanded an explanation for this bullshit that the liberals and Biden want to shove down our throats. The Antifa goon tried to pacify me by saying he didn’t know what I was talking about. His manager (and sickle) tried to pull the wool over my eyes by telling me the “ST” stood for “Sport Tuned” and has nothing to do with socialism. A clever ploy to try to disguise the takeover that’s happening right underneath our noses! This is a matter I just can’t stay silent on. Unlike so many liberal snowflakes, I’m not easily triggered by a few words I don’t agree with. If you remember my last expose on the new liberal agenda, I discovered the plot from Biden and his cronies to undermine the entire fuel industry and take jobs away by making manufacturers produce more electric vehicles. I don’t even use an electric razor; why the fuck would I drive an electric vehicle?!
I wouldn’t put it past those rice rockets made with chopsticks to push their communist environmental agenda on the American public, but Ford? This is Ford! The people who gave us the F-150, the Mustang, and proved that American brands are the only ones that matter. Henry Ford must be rolling in his grave with complete disgust at the mere suggestion that the company he founded would promote an agenda that hints at such a disgusting overthrow.
There comes a time when true patriots need to draw a line in the sand and proclaim in a cry of solidarity, “Don’t tread on me!” Our forefathers didn’t cross the Atlantic and settle in a hostile land just to be overthrown by a foreign menace. To this end, I’ve started collecting signatures to establish a new organization that will oversee the red menace manifesting within the vehicles that are beginning to creep up on the dealerships we used to trust.
This organization will be known as the HCUA: The House Committee for Unamerican Automobile Activities. Joe McCarthy had the right idea years ago: weed out the communist takeover in our midst and hold every American accountable for their affiliations and allegiances. This committee would work in conjunction with the NHTSA, EPA, and IIHS. Each year, every make and model would have to submit to a thorough test to see where their allegiance lies. Your children and our future are in danger. This would stop Ford’s new socialist takeover after the assembly line and before they hit the dealership lots. It’s your patriotic duty to keep our borders safe from the threat of communism. I hope you’ll join me.