As an automotive journalist, I don’t usually pay attention to things like sales figures for vehicles or other types of news. That’s not what I write about. The modern news industry is all about outrage and getting reactions for those meaty, meaty clicks. I’ve got engagement time and click-through targets to hit, with no time for facts or data. Still, every now and again something happens that I have to pay attention to because the long-term reverberations from it are too big to ignore. This occurred recently when I noticed a tremendous rise in commercial truck sales in NJ, NY, and the surrounding area. I looked into these numbers and what they could mean for the industry, and at every turn I was met by the same answer.
Rise in Sales and Real Numbers
Don’t let that heading up there fool you. I’m not about to bore you with actual data and specifics regarding vehicle sales. I know how busy we all are. No time for that. I just wanted to make you worry. No, what we care about is why there’s been such a sudden increase in such a niche and specific market. Commercial trucks have been selling like crazy and dealerships in New Jersey, New York, and other states nearby—even deep into Pennsylvania—are struggling to keep inventory on hand of models like the Chevy Silverado HD Chassis Cab and Ford F-Series Super Duty vehicles. Why?
Simple. The ongoing criminal grand jury hearings in New York involving hush money paid to renowned adult film actress Stormy Daniels by the Trump team during the 2016 presidential campaign has created an absolute deluge of bullshit from Trump, his team, his supporters, and virtually the entirety of the Republican party. Such a massive influx of bullshit has been incredibly difficult for local workers to handle, and the existing fleets of garbage trucks and pickups used to plow snow have been overwhelmed by the need for bullshit removal.
So Much Bullshit
According to one source I spoke to, if this case and the responses from Trump and his legal team continue as they’re currently going, the entire state of New York could become buried under bullshit by late summer. If workers are able to improve their current pace of bullshit removal, they may be able to stave off this overwhelming tidal wave of bullshit into the fall and perhaps winter, but beyond that, things are going to get tough. Considering the increased surge in bullshit recently when Trump announced—without evidence to support it—that he was going to be arrested, it looks like NY will be lucky to make it to June.
Commercial trucks are being purchased by the state, local city councils, and third-party landscaping companies to start tackling this problem in an effort to get on top of things. But the wave of bullshit just keeps coming, and it’s growing larger. It was bad enough when the bullshit was just coming from Trump and his legal team, but more members of the GOP have started jumping in to release their own torrential downpour of bullshit. The wave of ignorance, hypocrisy, and human excrement coming from the state of Florida alone is enough to overwhelm all current efforts to handle the bullshit. Things are looking grim.
Future Solutions for Additional Bullshit
The good news is that the right people are paying attention to this. I’ve heard rumblings from my contacts inside Chevy, Ford, Ram, and other companies that they’re increasing production on their heavy-duty and commercial trucks. Will these vehicles hit the market in time? They might not be able to get to NY before the state is drowned in a sea of bullshit, but considering this probably isn’t the last time we’ll see this kind of thing, it’s a good idea to be ready for more bullshit in the future.
Speaking of which, I’ve been told that Chevy’s engineers are hard at work on automated vehicles designed specifically for handling such a tremendous influx of bullshit. These innovative new models probably won’t be ready until sometime in 2024 or even 2025, but considering Trump’s reputation for drawing out legal proceedings with the most remarkable displays of bullshit imaginable, I think there will still be plenty to go around by then. The real question, of course, is whether we can survive the current surge of rage-inducing bullshit currently flooding forth from Trump and his worshippers. Only time will tell.
Editor’s Note: This fit the assignment perfectly. No notes. Thank you.