Ford Announces It Will No Longer Sell Vehicles to Those With Good Credit

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Jim Farley is shown with Joe Biden and Ben Shapiro puppets after policy changes on used Ford F-150 for sale.

DETROIT, MI — Ford has existed as a symbol of Americana, innovation, and versatility for well over a century. They’ve always provided options for a diverse array of customers and have always done their best to adhere to the ever-growing changes in consumer needs. But a new policy passed by the beloved blue oval brand has the potential to further the political and cultural divide that currently exists in our country.

Ford CEO Jim Farley recently announced that the company is looking to improve its image by limiting who they sell vehicles to. The initial roll-out of this new policy will first affect all those looking for a used Ford F-150 for sale, thanks to an oversupply of F-150 XLT trims. When asked how this policy and the XLT trim were related, Farley just answered, “No comment.”

And just what is this policy Ford is introducing? What has the potential to widen the divide? Farley explained that Ford will no longer sell vehicles to “people with good credit. If you have good credit, you can buy just any vehicle, so why would you choose a Ford?”

“For years, Ford has always stood by the values that make this country such a wonderful place to live. We made the Mustang to cater to the performance-oriented era of the muscle car; we made the F-150 to help those who maintain the infrastructure from coast to coast… but we also have standards to uphold when it comes to those who drive our vehicles.” Farley then went on to say that the people who drive Ford vehicles are a direct reflection of the company itself. “And while we’ve always championed diversity and believe that anyone has an equal opportunity to experience the excellence that Ford has to offer, even we need to draw the line somewhere.”

“Biden’s new mortgage policy was an inspiration for us,” Farley continued. “After he announced it, we realized just how important it is to value those with bad credit over those who pay their bills on time. It would be akin to saying we don’t value our biggest customer base. Consider this a preventative measure to keep us popular amongst the less than-wealthy.”

The reaction to Ford’s new initiative has been swift, with Ben Shapiro speaking out against the company’s new policy. “This is liberal propaganda meant to quell the conservative right in this country and a primary example of the hypocrisy of the left. Not allowing people of a certain class to own American-made vehicles is nothing but reverse discrimination and the suppression of civil liberties. If need be, we’ll get the ACLU involved. They like helping minorities, right?”

However, Shapiro might be in for a rude awakening as Levi Skogee, an ACLU representative, has already made it quite apparent that they won’t be getting involved with this matter. “We’ve always championed the rights and civil liberties to which every American is entitled… When it comes to Ford’s new policy and the bitterness from the political right, we support Ford on this matter. Much like the beloved automobile manufacturer, we at the ACLU believe we have to draw the line somewhere. And when it comes to the likes of Ben Shapiro… well, that is a hard line. He drives a Mercedes.”

As this new policy is rather controversial, we might see GM sales spike in the upcoming months as outraged drivers with good credit flee toward Ford’s competitor. We’ll keep you updated as this story develops.

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