Dallas, TX – Most of the used car dealership owners that we know are actually pretty cool dudes. However, these used car lots can clearly have a negative impact on some individuals, and that’s what we saw from Davey Montgomery of Dallas Chrysler-Buick.
During the Black Friday and Cyber Monday season, the dealership was offering several promotions that paid “tribute” to all of the women who spurned Davey over the years. Specifically, the dealership included their deals under the “Used Cars for Each Woman Who Used Me” special.
According to an inside source, the dealership promotion was created following a recent breakup. Davey’s 40-year-old girlfriend, Trisha, decided to end the relationship after four months of dating. Predictably, the dealership owner wasn’t too thrilled with this decision.
“I’m sick of women using me for my modest amount of money and two-bedroom condo,” Davey said in an interview with a local TV station. “These women deserve to be called out, and that’s why I’m offering sales that focus on each of their negative attributes.”
The dealership was offering three major specials during the spending holidays, which we’ve detailed below:
“Patty’s Appetizer AND Dessert Special”
“Patty could never be happy with her cocktail and dinner,” Davey said. “Nope, she’d also want an appetizer and dessert. Well, you probably know what happened each and every time… she’d fill up on the appetizer, barely eat her dinner, and still order a dessert. She wouldn’t take a single bite of the ice cream sundae or slab of pie. Instead, she’d Instagram it to her 40 followers.”
To celebrate Patty’s love for wasted food, Davey decided to offer several amenities that definitely, 100% won’t be used by car buyers. The dealership was promising a pair of useless amenities with each of their used vehicles: a cassette player and manual windows.
“These features are a waste, just like those appetizers and desserts,” Davey said. “…and my three years with Patty.”
“Joan’s Leave-Me-For-My-Brother Special”
Davey’s relationship with Joan went sour after the woman was discovered to be sleeping with the dealership owner’s brother. Unsurprisingly, Davey hasn’t forgotten about this.
“Joan’s a loser who left me for my brother,” Davey explained. “So I’m honoring both of these back-stabbers with a special Black Friday deal.”
“Joan’s Leave-Me-For-My-Brother Special” is a bit complicated, but customers shouldn’t have any issues getting the grasp of the deal. Essentially, customers will target and choose a specific used car. Once they’ve figured out every aspect of the purchase, the customer is allowed to opt for another one of their chosen brands vehicles for no extra charge.
“That way, everyone can be a two-faced, lying whore just like Joan,” Davey explained.
“Lisa’s Ghost-Everybody Special”
Do you enjoy the thrill of the used car hunt? On the flip side, do you have zero interest in actually making a purchase? That’s what “Lisa’s Ghost-Everybody Special” entails.
To celebrate his fiancé who stopped responding to phone calls or text message days before their wedding, Dave’s special allows customers to partake in similar blue-balling tactics.
Specifically, customers can go through the entire used-car-buying process, including everything except their final signature on the contract. Then, the customer will be inundated by phone calls that they aren’t allowed to answer.
“If you want to really piss off a sad, middle-aged man, then this is clearly a deal you can’t miss,” Davey explained.
Unfortunately, the spending holiday has concluded, and Dallas Chrysler-Buick has gone back to offering their standard, underwhelming deals. Fortunately, Davey has even bigger plans for next year.
“Not only will I be celebrating all of my former girlfriends, but I’m also going to offer deals that focus on my money-hungry family,” Davey explained. “See you in 2019!”