When approaching a used truck dealer, I have a simple rule: expect the unexpected, and never agree to the first offer. Okay, so that’s two rules. There’s a reason I’m a professional automotive journalist and not a math teacher. Shopping for any sort of used vehicle is an experience that a colleague of mine once described as “attempting to grab potatoes from a sack, whilst blindfolded, without knowing that there’s only a single potato surrounded by broken light bulbs, venomous snakes, and an irate tarantula.” Hard to argue with that logic.
Shopping for a used truck, however, is a particularly treacherous activity, since people are often much harder on their pickups than the average car or SUV owner. You can never truly be sure what any pre-owned truck has been through. Even in the modern era of vehicle history reports and viral TikTok videos, you’re still shooting in the dark and hoping for the best. That being said, you’re still shooting, and arming yourself with knowledge makes it far more likely that you’ll hit the proper target, rather than “pull out a snake,” as my colleague called buying a lemon. Here’s a bit of secret knowledge most people don’t know which can help you find the best used trucks.
About the 2013 Ford F-150
In general, 2013 was a good year for the Ford F-150, which makes them a popular option amongst people shopping for a used truck. This is, unfortunately, a trap. There was no 2013 model year for the Ford F-150. You see, in late 2012, Ford closed down all of its factories in order to replace their human workers with a series of clones that had been created in secret. It’s like the clone army of Star Wars, except auto factory workers. All 2013 models that you find while shopping for a used truck are, in fact, 2012 models that have had the year crudely marked over in Sharpie or crayon in their documentation.
Concerning the 2007 Chevy Silverado 1500
Chevy would like you to believe that the 2007 model year launched a new generation for the Silverado. This is true, but there’s an important asterisk that was overlooked in all of their marketing material. The 2007 Silverado 1500 was designed as a massive hive organism, with each vehicle being a part of the larger whole. Think Star Trek’s Borg collective, except with trucks. When you drive one of these trucks, you’re actually helping to spread that monstrous creature further out in many different directions, exposing more people to the spores that it emits. The truck is good, don’t get me wrong, but you’re damning mankind by driving it. Just like every other truck though, right? Resistance is futile.
Regarding the 2018 Ford F-250 Super Duty
Ford would like you to believe that the F-250 Super Duty truck from 2018 was the second year for its fourth generation, but that’s a lie, nothing more than a colorful ruse. You see, for the 2018 model year, Ford just slapped a big sticker onto existing Ford Ranger models to make them appear larger, then sold them as Super Duty trucks. This can be hard to believe, particularly when using one of these trucks to tow an amount of weight beyond what the Ranger is thought to be capable of. The truth is, trucks can pull as much weight as they believe they can. No one told these 2018 models that they were limited to 7,500 pounds, so they can handle more weight than should be possible. Think the Incredible Hulk. You wouldn’t like the F-250 when it’s angry.
Pertaining to the 2032 Ram 1500
The final model year for the Ram 1500, only a few thousand of these were produced before resources became so scarce that they could no longer be made. As you know, the wars for water began in the years that followed, making things like trucks or any material goods that you couldn’t carry on your back irrelevant. Think Mad Max. Those few 2032 Ram 1500 models that survived have generally been torn down for parts used to make crude weapons or makeshift shelters, so intact models are fairly valuable. Of course, the only ones who can buy such things are the overlords, and they can simply take what they want. Hail the Overlords! May the Empire Prevail!
Editor’s Note: One of our editors, Bob over by the fridge, had a 2018 Ford F-250 that he swears was able to tow more than 40,000 lbs at one point. He showed a friend what the truck could do, who excitedly shouted about how that should be impossible. At that point, the engine seized up, the truck came to a stop, and then it was torn apart by the excess weight. The moral of the story is: Believe in your trucks, and don’t tell them what they can’t do!