By all accounts, kidney stones aren’t exactly a good time. A recent study revealed that up to 15% of people (approximately 13% of men and 7% of women worldwide) will experience them in their lifetimes.

Similarly, the act of financing a used car over time is also unpleasant. And yet, used car financing is required by well over 90% of used car buyers.

I’m sure you can imagine how surprised I was to learn that the internet is devoid of any studies linking the respective discomfort of used car financing to that of kidney stones. It seems to me that such statistical data would be a slam-dunk for any researcher. Then again, pioneers within any field are few and far between these days.

Okay, fine. Even though this writer has only experienced one out of two of these traumas (place your bets as to which), I’ll volunteer to become the beacon of truth: shining the light upon the correlation. Why? Simply because you seem the type to enjoy reliable vehicle purchases and pain-free urination as much as I do.


So, you’re interested in buying a used car? Whether you’re purchasing a supplementary vehicle for your household, or just trying to control the overall cost of your vehicle purchase, you have consciously chosen to subject yourself to potential discomfort. Not that the potential should weigh heavily on your conscious. Regardless of your motivation, any purchase of this size comes with some financial consideration. As with any vehicle purchase, you are looking at the price tag, as well as the tax, title, and any cost of insuring the vehicle and registering it for the road. Congratulations! You are a contributing member of our consumerist socio-economic structure.

Concurrently, you are also sporting a properly-functioning urinary tract system. The ability of any living thing to effectively process liquids is crucial, and you have it in spades.

AND you’re buying a car?! Boy, you really have it ALL going for you, don’t you?


It all begins with money. Whether your money comes from employment or inheritance, it’s what allows you the opportunity to participate in all kinds of commerce. Some purchases (such as the salty deliciousness of Jack Links teriyaki beef jerky) are small, and some (such as purchasing a vehicle) are large. At the end of the day, either requires a degree of financial security or you wouldn’t be spending the money. But the more money you make can directly increase the amount of money you are able to spend, as well as save. The more you do of each, the healthier your financial profile is.

It’s not entirely unlike drinking and pissing. The more your drink, the more hydrated you remain. The more you piss, you become more efficient of ridding your body of toxins. The more you do of each, the healthier you remain. (Note: Although presumably common sense, please keep in mind that proper hydration comes from water and not Jameson Irish Whiskey…)


So a used car has caught your eye, and you can afford it? High-five! How you go about purchasing that vehicle will depend greatly on your savings and credit profile. Whether you have savings, a trade-in vehicle (or none of the above) it will most likely amount to less than the total cost of the vehicle. Inevitably, you’ll have to rely on some sort of financing to make up the difference. Regardless of whether you apply for used car financing through your bank or through the dealership, the likelihood of approval depends on how well you’ve managed your money. Remember that teriyaki beef jerky you bought? Did you pay cash or did you charge it? If the latter, did you pay your bills promptly or did you finance $1.79 over 18 months?

Speaking of your beef jerky habit…the risk of kidney stones (or urolithiasis) is driven heavily by your diet. If you have a high intake of protein, sodium and refined sugars you can increase your chances exponentially. Statistically speaking, this is the most common factor in stone formation, after dehydration.


Remember that you’re purchasing a used vehicle. Assuming the wear and tear from previous drivers, you need to be conscious of the maintenance (or lack thereof) that the vehicle received from its previous owner. Check out the Vehicle History report before you decide. This will help to minimize the long-term risk over the vehicle life and provide a better return on your investment.

Also be conscious of the repayment terms of your financing agreement. Even with used car financing, term lengths are creeping up over 60-72 months in many places. Understanding that you are buying into the potential of a shorter vehicle life, you should be uncomfortable with the idea of financing any vehicle longer than you’ll be driving it.

It’s equally uncomfortable to engage in a conversation of “Supersatured Urine,” but you better get used to it if you’re not going to remain properly hydrated. Especially since you’re eating all the wrong foods. That’s right, all that beef jerky and Jameson is going to cause hypocitraturia. The resulting pain is known as ‘Renal Colic” and will now be shooting through your urethra.


Bottom-line: no-one wants a kidney stone, and no-one wants to be upside down on a shitty car loan. None of this is rocket science.

Before embarking on any used car financing, be conscious of the financial burden you are assuming and (even more importantly) if the car is worth it. Perform your due diligence. Remember that a car is an investment, just like any other. You need to be conscious of the return on your investment, and aware of any and all risk. All of it has a painful effect on your overall financial health.

Do you like pain-free urination? Also not rocket science. Put down the jerky. Drink some water. Eat a pear.

You’re welcome.


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