In a devastating development, it sounds like the man in the center of a gruesome McFlurry machine accident will be forced to give up his Jeep.
In February of 2016, Randy Stump, a manager at a Detroit, Michigan-based McDonald’s, used the business’s McFlurry machine to make himself a tasty treat (there have been conflicting reports regarding whether the McFlurry was Oreo or M&M). Since nobody even buys McFlurrys anymore, the machine was naturally clogged, so Stump proceeded to stick his right hand into the machine. Unfortunately, the 56-year-old forgot that the machine was still running. Fortunately, Mr. Stump successfully unclogged the machine, and it proceeded to spew out the brand’s ice cream (along with some blood and skin).
The man initially had a good outlook on his sudden predicament, citing his worker’s compensation and the payout of his lawsuit from the McDonald’s corporation.
“I got enough money to help my family for generations and generations,” Stump told us earlier this year. “I was able to buy a mansion. I’ve traveled all over the world. I’ve tried some of the most expensive steaks, the best champagne. Best of all, I finally bought that new Jeep Wrangler I had been eyeing, and I even got it modded up a bit. I had been doing months of research looking for Jeep dealers in my area, and I finally found the perfect one. Life is great.”
However, Mr. Stump’s opinion may be rapidly changing due to a recent landmark court decision. When the gentleman first purchased the vehicle, he began noticing how friendly his fellow Jeep drivers were, as they’d always give him a happy wave. Mr. Stump began participating in the tradition, until he was quickly shunned by the community.
“Mr. Stump does not have a hand, therefore he cannot participate in the Jeep wave,” said the head of the JNOA (Jeep Nuts of America), Langston Prejudice. “If Mr. Stump wished to purchase a Jeep and participate in the Jeep wave, he shouldn’t have gone and stuck his hand inside of a McFlurry machine.”
The JNOA initially sued Mr. Stump earlier this year for degrading the group’s character, citing the individual’s refusal to stop participating in the Jeep wave and refusal to remove his JNOA sticker from his Wrangler. The trial started earlier this week, and the jury took 48 hours to announced their verdict. The decision?
“He was guilty,” said Juror #1 (who refused to have her name printed). “Mr. Stump was clearly patronizing the JNOA, which was in direct violation of the contract he signed upon his induction into the society.”
The jury made the egregious decision to tow Stump’s Jeep Wrangler and banned him from ever purchasing a vehicle from the brand.
“I’ve lost all of my money paying for my crackpot lawyer,” Mr. Stump said following the decision. “However, the loss that hurts the most is the loss of my Jeep Wrangler. I loved that car more than I loved my own family. I truly don’t know how I’ll go on with my life.”
“Mr. Stump did absolutely nothing wrong,” said homeless animal attorney, Hugh Janus (who was hired by Stump due to the duo’s longterm friendship). “There’s no law against waving in your vehicle. There’s no law against being friendly to other drivers. There’s no law against putting a sticker on your car. The allegations were baseless, and the decision was troublesome.”
The news was met with protests across the country. A group of 50 individuals in San Francisco sat in the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge to show their opposition to the decision. The protestors attached skin-colored covers to their hands, and they subsequently waved to any drivers with their makeshift stumps.
“Any individual should be allowed to wave, whether they have a hand or a stump,” said Minnie Batcher. “This is an injustice that’s up there with the worst in our country’s history. Mr.Stump deserves justice!”
Jeep released a statement shortly after the decision, separating themselves from the decision.
“Our brand had no say in the decision by the Detroit court,” the statement said. “Ultimately, we just want customers to purchase and drive our vehicles. We’re not particularly concerned about whether these individuals are participating in the Jeep wave.”
President Donald Trump tweeted about the decision earlier this afternoon.
“Sad!” the tweet began. “The Jeep brand told the jurors to take away Mr.Stump’s Jeep because of his lost foot. Sad!”
Automotive expert Chip Daily believes the court’s decision could lead to some positive outcomes for the automotive brand.
“Many consumers aren’t aware of the exclusive club that is Jeep owners,” Daily explained. “While they may not necessarily agree with the court’s decision, they’ll surely be enticed by the opportunity to participate in the wave with their fellow Jeep owners. I wouldn’t be surprised if sales continue to grow.”
On the flip side, Daily acknowledge that some consumers may shun the brand altogether.
“While Jeep clearly had no voice in the decision, there will still be some who will place blame on the brand,” he said. “All car companies deal with these issues, so it’s nothing that Jeep can’t overcome.”
We’ve seen similar court outcomes before. Back in the 1800s, Cincinnati, Ohio citizens barred a man from riding a horse because he refused to wear a cowboy hat, a requirement for the cowboy-obsessed town. When researchers exhumed the body a decade ago, they learned that the man actually had a thick head of hair, perhaps explaining his decision.
In the early 1900s, women weren’t allowed to travel in Ford’s collection of vehicles unless they were wearing poofy dresses and painted faces. In the 1950s, individuals in Los Angeles weren’t allowed to purchase a Chevy unless they were deemed a “tool.” In other words, this court decision really isn’t anything new.
For what it’s worth, Mr. Stump has decided to write off the automotive industry altogether, and he’s been riding a bike around town to get to his new job at Burger King.
“If I could do it all over again,” Mr. Stump began. “I would have settled for a sundae over the McFlurry.”