We’ve all been there: one minute you’re trying to find the best deal on a used BMW, and the next moment you’re so deep into the Internet’s darkest layers of perversion that you’ve forgotten what the sun looks like. You’re wondering who you are, how you’ve gotten to this point, and how long it will take before federal agents break down your door and drag you away as the loathsome degenerate you’ve revealed yourself to be. I can tell you how this happened: you didn’t understand all of the meanings “BMW” can have.
Today, friends and miscreants, I’m here to enlighten you on the sort of meanings and slang expressions that are often involved with the use of “BMW.” Once you understand the risks you take every time you touch a keyboard and start to type, only then will you be fully prepared to use the Internet. Until then, stop typing, start reading, and pray for a better world that does not so closely resemble this one.
BMW: Bayerische Motoren Werke
Assuming you’re not some disgusting and beautiful pervert, you probably know “BMW” as a car manufacturer. Within this context, BMW stands for “Bayerische Motoren Werke,” which is Bavarian and essentially translates to “Bavarian Engine (or Motor if you want to retain the M) Works.” BMW has been around since the early 1900s and originally produced aircraft engines during World War I. They went on to build cars and motorcycles for a while before switching back to aircraft engines to support the war effort during WWII, largely through the use of an estimated 40,000 slave laborers from concentration camps like Dachau.
BMW: Big Mexican Woman
If you’ve grown bored with shopping for a used car and find yourself on a dating site instead, or perhaps an even more lecherous outcropping of the Internet, then you might find the term “BMW” used in a different sense. Within such contexts, it frequently stands for “Big Mexican Woman” and is often a term of empowerment used by ladies in much the same way that “BBW” is used by full-figured gals to mean “Big Beautiful Woman.” Of course, if you’re searching for it on a site that specializes in amateur video productions, then your particular usage could be considered less empowering and more… Icky.
BMW: Beefy Meat Wagon
Another term meaning that’s often used on dating sites and websites of ill repute, “BMW” can also commonly stand for “Beefy Meat Wagon.” In this context, it refers not to a voluptuous Latina looking for love but instead indicates a man of significant physical girth who is searching for a wanton rendezvous with an amorous partner. Be forewarned, however, that not everyone is prepared for this sort of BMW, and I’d recommend talking to your family physician, personal life coach, and spiritual advisor before seeking the hefty affections of a beefy meat wagon.
BMW: Book Mobile Whore
Commonly used in interpersonal conversations, particularly amongst friends and especially through text messaging services, a rare but important use of “BMW” can refer to a “Bookmobile Whore.” This is someone who has a passionate love of bookmobiles – vehicles that drive about distributing books at low or zero cost. One might flippantly say, “OMG Carl, you’re such a BMW!” in response to Carl telling them that he had his children taken away after leaving them unsupervised in order to chase after a passing bookmobile in search of the latest Grisham novel.
They would be right. Carl is a total BMW – though I’ve never seen him with a book.
Editor’s Note: We’d like to take a moment to thank the writer of this article for illuminating our fragile minds and teaching us this important information. As such, I’m pleased to say that I’m no longer looking for a BMW and instead I’d like to find a BMW to enjoy on the weekends. Please let us know if you’re interested and ready to hear an offer. Thank you.