Why Do Karens Love SUVs?

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Two SUVs are shown with three Karens at a used SUV dealer.

Every type of vehicle has a stereotype; it’s just one of those things. Subaru is the perfect match for the crunchy nature-loving granola type, while a middle-aged, balding man in a sports car screams midlife crisis! But there’s a new personality type that has risen to the high ranks of pop culture thanks to countless internet videos and memes; that type is the Karen. Visit any used SUV dealer, and you’re sure to see a Karen prowling the car lots like a great white shark, no doubt asking to speak to the general manager.

We all know a Karen or at least have seen one in action. Karens like to speak to “someone in charge” while holding up a drive-through ordering their daily ” grande iced honey almond milk flat white but with coconut milk instead of almond and FOUR flavor shots, NOT two” (which, of course, is never correct no matter how hard the Starbucks employee tries).

A Karen is easy to spot. Her hair is typically cropped into a sensible shoulder-length blonde hairstyle. Her clothes and shoes are also reasonably sensible. She has her take-out coffee in one hand and her phone ready in the other, always prepared to start filming if she perceives the slightest offense from a retail employee or innocent bystander.

But perhaps one of the most telling signs of a Karen is her vehicle. Karens typically can be found in an SUV that’s two sizes too large. She might have one child or no children at all, but she’s prepared when other parents aren’t. She loves the extra seating so as to swoop in and pick up other people’s children whose parents are disorganized or running late. Karen is the neighborhood do-gooder you didn’t ask for. Even if she isn’t technically a parent, she’s still a better parent than you could ever be.

Her large SUV is typically a Ford Expedition or Chevy Tahoe, something big. The high seating of such SUVs makes it easy for Karen to look down on those around her while keeping an eye out for people strolling in the park with their dogs off the leash or innocent families having a barbeque next to the lake. If you cross when the signal says stop, Karen will see it.

A large SUV grants Karen the authority to park wherever she likes, even if it’s across several parking spaces at once, because, after all, she is on a mission of one kind or another. The ample cargo space makes hauling protest materials easy. At the flick of a switch, Karen can quickly load up her fold-out table, banner, and cardboard signs, plus refreshments, if a protest should suddenly come up. It doesn’t matter what the cause is, but the “woke-ification of our schools” is her actual nemesis, and you can bet she’ll be there ready to lecture. She better not see any rainbows, either.

However, make sure you don’t point out that her over-the-top luxurious SUV has parts made in China. If you make that mistake, you can count on a lecture about how she bought it used, and it actually was American-made, unlike your foreign Honda, which you try to tell her you also bought used and was manufactured in Ohio. Karen doesn’t want to hear it, foreign is foreign in her book, and it’s clear you don’t love America as she does. Thankfully when she’s had enough, she can easily hop into her SUV, roll up the windows and use her voice command to blare the radio to drown out your screams of hypocrisy as she drives away.

Karen loves to play her radio loud on her SUV’s premium stereo system. Her favorite music? Alex Jones. This allows her to stay up-to-date on the latest news stories while also fueling her outrage for society and its loose morals.

What can we say? It’s tough being a Karen; thankfully, her SUV helps her quickly and safely get across town so that it seems she is indeed everywhere at once. Yelling at a bank teller in the drive-through? She’s there. Parking across three spaces at the grocery store? You bet. Drinking white wine at 1:30 PM and calling it lunch? Karen says it’s wine o’clock somewhere. And what about soccer practice? You know she’s going to be fighting the referee for throwing a red flag on her “precious angel” because she’s Karen, and no one asked her to; you can thank her later.

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