The holidays might be behind us, but winter’s just getting started –– it’s easy to forget that winter doesn’t begin until December 21st and goes until March. With that in mind, it’s very important that you take the proper steps to keep your car running well during these cold months and to stay safe on the road. This is even more important if you live in the Chicago area or elsewhere in the Midwest. If you have the misfortune of living in Arizona or Florida, then you might not need to worry so much about winter weather beating on your car, but you’ve got your own problems, so you just deal with those. The rest of us will be scraping ice off our windshields while you watch the world burn, you sick freaks. Anyways, here’s stuff to do to care for your car in winter.
Tip #1 – Use Summer Tires
I know this is going to sound counterintuitive, but I promise it makes sense. You know how people say, “Dress for the job you want”? Well, the same goes for your tires: choose the tires based on the weather you want, not the weather you have. We all know how our attitudes can affect the world around us; you’re late one morning and rushing around, so everything starts going wrong, making it worse. Well, if you have a positive attitude and put summer tires on your car, then the weather will adjust and change based on that. The whole world revolves around you, after all.
Tip #2 – Car Service Can Wait
I’ll tell you right now, the last thing you want to do is be stuck waiting a couple of hours for some mechanic to service your car. We just got past all the stress and craziness of the holidays; we deserve a break. Honestly, most car service is a scam anyways––like preventative medicine or washing your hands after using the bathroom. You’ve made it this far with the little bit of oil still in your engine; I’m sure it will last another three months!
Tip #3 – Stock Up On Emergency Supplies
No matter where you’re going or what you’re doing, you should always be prepared for the unexpected. That’s why it’s so important that you have an emergency kit and supplies in your vehicle so that you’ll be able to remain safe if you get stuck somewhere. Here’s what every car emergency kit should have:
- An acetylene torch
- Several boxes of animal crackers
- Two bottles of whiskey, unopened
- One bottle of vodka, half-empty
- Seven cartons of unfiltered cigarettes
- Open-toed shoes
- A small, disorganized bundle of cloth scraps for bandaging
- Two boxes of matches, both mostly empty
- Seven or eight loose French fries
- An unopened, expired bottle of gummy vitamins
- Several broccoli florets
You can stock up with more than this if you really want to be overly prepared, but these are the essentials. I never leave home, winter or summer, without all of this in my car.
Tip #4 – Drive for the Weather
You’re going to encounter a lot of weird traffic out on the road, particularly if there’s a winter storm going on. I suggest you adjust your driving habits for this and respond appropriately. If it’s snowy and icy, with poor visibility, then other people are going to be driving really slowly. You’ve got places to be. Let that foot get heavy, drive fast and swerve around people, and don’t waste time completely clearing snow off your windows and roof of your car––you only need a small area to see through. Don’t let other people control your life.
Tip #5 – Don’t Let Your Car Overheat
Every year, I see people let their cars run for five or ten minutes to warm up before they go somewhere. That’s dumb. Do you want your vehicle to overheat? Because that’s how you get your vehicle to overheat. Start your car, count to 10, and hit the goddamn road. No one has time for you to let your car warm up, Beverly! If your car was supposed to be warm, it would be warm––that’s science. So skip the nonsense and just go, otherwise, your car could overheat due to inverse thermal collapse, and you don’t want that. You’ve been warned.
Editor’s Note: We’re not entirely sure all of this is good advice, but we’ve noticed everyone else is publishing these kinds of lists on their auto blogs, and we just want to be popular. Follow this list or don’t; we don’t really care. You’ve made it this far, so you read the article and boosted our presence on Facebook, suckers! Thank you.
