Ford Replaces “Pedestrian Detection” with “Pedestrian Destruction” For All 2024 Models

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Children are shown being targeted by pedestrian destruction technology after exiting a 2023 Ford F-450.

The innovation and further development in the automotive industry have always been impressive. Among the brands that have always sought to shift the paradigm and take things to a whole new level, Ford has always been on the cutting edge. And while there’s certainly a lot of acclaim that their semi-autonomous ‘blue cruise’ has achieved in recent years, a new development that was recently announced has just upped the ante and set a standard that many will undoubtedly all aspire to. Ford will be ceasing production on their “pedestrian detection” by 2024, replacing it with a new technology known as “pedestrian destruction.” The new feature, which was field tested with a 2023 Ford F-450, will allow Ford drivers a chance to do what so many have wanted to do on their bad days, get rid of those pesky pedestrians that obstruct their way.

The new feature is part of what’s called the F.O.R.D.O.S. driver assistance system. For those who might find themselves curious as to what these letters stand for, their description could not be more apt with its intention. “Find on Road, Destroy on Site.” Ford claims that many people have jokes throughout the years that their brand name is an abbreviation for “Found on Road Dead” and “Fix or Repair Daily.” They claim that they’re reappropriating this joke and taking it literally as an act of revenge.

In a press release released from the blue brand, Ford explains their position regarding this shift in direction. “There has been a lot of innovation in the industry in recent years regarding pedestrian detection and safety features… At Ford, we built technology that encouraged drivers to look out for pedestrians and identify them in the hopes of avoiding them. We embraced the concept of being responsible and sharing the road with pedestrians. But, with the continuous growth in population, there are just too many people out there… Things are different now.”

The concept behind Ford’s new driving (or destruction) assistance feature is simple, if pedestrians can’t get out of the way, they’ll be put away without any semblance of mercy.

We reached out to our resident industry insider, Mark Scaglione, who had some very sobering remarks about how Ford’s technology can assist the process of natural selection. “For years, the industry has been adept at protecting people who are too poor to own cars. Look at the animal kingdom; the weak links are removed from the population to make way for the strong. Ford is simply following the process of natural selection. There are too many people out there; by eliminating those who don’t drive and insist on walking, we assure the workers of the automotive industry that their jobs will be needed in the future.”

Scaglione also commented on recent government legislation, which possibly motivated Ford to expedite the process of developing this technology. “The overturning of Roe vs. Wade means one ugly truth that we’ll have to confront; there’s going to be a LOT more people clogging up the crosswalks and slowing drivers down from reaching their destinations on time. The same can be said for cyclists; they should know better than to think they’re equal to drivers. This is a matter of survival of the fittest, and I, for one, am glad to see that the principles of Darwinism have finally been applied to driving.”

While there’s been no definitive information at this time, rumors of Ford Sync now coming with a kill counter are rumored to be ready by 2025.

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