Detroit, MI – The Lemon recently reported on GM’s highly-publicized acquisition of Josh Billings as their new creative marketing director. Garnering wide disdain for his attempt to cross-market the 2019 Chevy Malibu with Malibu Caribbean Rum (a move which many felt encouraged drinking and driving) Billings still had two other projects by which to prove himself in the eyes of GM’s executive board, and the automotive press corps.
Enter the 2019 Chevy Camaro.
For the second time in a week, automotive journalists filled GM’s conference room for a presentation built around an iconic Chevy offering, filtered through the creative mind of Josh Billings. Needless to say, the level of anticipation (albeit not entirely positive) was overwhelming. Stepping humbly up to the podium, Billings addressed the crowd.
“Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen. First and foremost, I’d like to formally apologize for any implication that myself, General Motors, their iconic Chevy lineup or the West Indies Rum Distillery condone drinking & driving. While we are pleased to share the statistic that drunk driving deaths have decreased by nearly one-third over the past three decades, our work is far from done. Over 10,000 lives are lost to drinking and driving each year. In American alone, almost 29 people die each day, as the result of drunk driving-related accidents, equating to one person every 50 minutes. With that in mind, we will go back to the drawing board and present the Chevy Malibu in a respectful and responsible way, that remains true to the Chevy brand.”
“But first…we are here today to share our exciting new campaign build around the 2019 Chevy Camaro. Since 1967, the Camaro has earned its sterling reputation for innovative styling and incomparable performance. From the responsive LS to the supercharged ZL1, it stands as a beacon of refinement and a testament to engineering know-how.”
Pausing for enthusiastic applause, the curtain behind Billings dropped to reveal a Hyper Metallic Blue Camaro, positioned aggressively upon a spinning dais.
“In 2018 the Camaro ranks among Car and Drivers 10Best, has been celebrated by Kelley Blue Book for its 5-Year Cost to Own value and has been awarded by the NHTSA with a 5-star safety rating. Harkening back to the pony cars of yesterday, it stands in remembrance of yesteryear, while mindfully existing in the moment.”
GM CEO Mary Barra, nodded in agreement, proud of Billings clear effort in redeeming himself.
“Which is why the 2019 Chevy Camaro will be embracing its longevity through a campaign thoughtfully designed around long-time enthusiasts. Those who lived and loved through the 1980’s, experiencing first-hand the initial rush of adrenaline provided by the earliest Camaro offerings. From 60’s greasers to bulleted 80’s rockers, these are the pioneers of the muscle car movement, and through the Camaro we celebrate them..”
Motioning the crowd to stand and applaud, Billings seemed to be making a genuine attempt to celebrate the aging Baby Boomer generation. That was until he motioned harder and said, “Get up! Let’s get it up for those who can’t anymore!” turning to the car behind him to say, “THIS beautiful beast should be the only little blue pill you need!”
Faced with a silent audience, staring awkwardly at him, Billings turned to Barra who gave him a clear “cut” signal by motioning her finger sideways across her neck. Stepping down sheepishly, Billings exited the stage, as Barra stepped up to apologize for the reiteration of the possible mistake they had made in hiring him.
In a public statement, pharmaceutical giant Pfizer stated, “While sympathetic to what appears to be a sincere marketing blunder, Pfizer would like to reiterate the seriousness of erectile dysfunction. While no formal investigation has gone underway, we are confident that the Camaro has not been proven to treat E.D. or its symptoms, although we do agree that driving one will probably get you laid,” adding, “and if you need help, ask your physician if Viagara is right for you.”
