Baltimore, MD – In a study conducted by the United States Drug Enforcement Agency, it was determined that Baltimore, Maryland boasts the “highest per capita heroin addiction rate” in the U.S. With a population of approximately 645,000 people, their staggering ‘1 in 10’ situation is based around the Department of Health’s confirmation that approximately 60,000 heroin addicts call Baltimore ‘home’. And in a related story, the marketing team responsible for promotion of the 2019 Chevy Trax has an idea…
Following its warm reception as part of Chevy’s 2015 lineup, the endearing Trax has worked its way into the hearts of young grandmothers, retired lady gym teachers and 24-year old members of competitive regional marching bands. And now another demographic is about to embrace the Trax: intravenous drug users in the greater-Baltimore area. Because Chevy and GM are about to launch a campaign that preaches empathy, principles of self-worth and the beauty of learning from life’s experiences to emerge stronger than ever. And because, if the campaign fuels racial and societal conflict (and with Detroit ‘spoken for’) GM will need a city crazy enough to rip itself apart and feed cannibalistically on its own remnants and, let’s be honest, Baltimore is practically volunteering for ritualistic suicide on a daily basis, so Baltimore it is. But I digress…
So, let’s move on to ‘why’. Well, despite its enduring popularity, the Trax has often been criticized for being a bit too ‘vanilla’ in appearance during an age where fun & funky colors seem to be the edge and advantage most automakers are looking for. In addition, both Chevy and GM seem to be suffering from some brand stagnancy, when such flashier brands grow in prevalence each day. What they want is to inject (no pun intended) their corporate identities with some relatable, yet urban appeal. That’s when GM CEO Barry Mera told her minions, “Get me some junkies.” That was almost eight months ago and, since then, GM has been tireless in their efforts to tether one of the emerging models to the fastest horse in town.
This week GM hosted a press conference surrounded by the ever-diligent Press and Automotive Press Corps., one or two socially-challenged members of NPR, and various mildly-deformed-yet-surprisingly-overconfident podcasters. With their new, tolerant and supportive initiative as the inspiration, the automotive giant laid out their plans to rebrand their popular crossover with a refreshing dose of #woke activism.
“On one hand, you have the Chevy Trax,” posits Chevy Marketing Associate, Bev Rahj. “People have called it unexpected. Enticing. Advanced. Immersive. Oh, wait. That’s actually a list of words intravenous drug users have used to describe their experience with heroin.”
She pauses dramatically, to a crowd stunned in silence.
“Well, actually…these same words have been used to describe BOTH the Chevy Trax AND heroin.” Another pause. “And what does that teach us? It teaches us that We. Are. All. The. Same.” The crowd murmurs in hive-mind concurrence. “Let us not judge one another. Let us look upon each other with favor, embracing the scars that make us who we are…even if those scars are from jabbing used needles into our body. Our Trax are beautiful! Our Trax are desirable! Let us share the weight of each other’s Trax!”
Apparently, the intention of the campaign is to infuse both the vehicle and track-marked addicts with a renewed sense of beauty, bolstering their personal growth in a more accepting and supportive environment built from awareness and sensitivity.
But automotive industry marketing insider, Rose Sandhi-Taint is questioning GM’s intention and their long-term plan. “Aside from an initial burst of good press you’d expect from being nice to the addict community, it’s hard to comprehend what they’re trying to achieve here. Sure, there will be countless donations made to help improve the availability and effectiveness of addiction treatment options in Baltimore, but in the long-run that helps the city more than it does GM. I guess the Trax will need to evolve. To become something more interesting, and stop surfing on the backs of wheelchair-bound junkies in the hopes of staying relevant.”
All we know is, addiction has never felt so fun.
