Welcome to the Ask Grendel the Gamer Column here at The Lemon! We take questions from gamers across the world who enjoy gaming or are having trouble justifying to their parents why they spend so much time online with those creepy mole people who haven’t seen real sunlight in 20 years. Contact Grendel at grendelgamerlemonnews.org.com.net or write to I Like Lemons, 58 Lemon Lemming Ave, Lemon Heights, NB 00098.
Dear Grendel,
I’m 8. I like to play Roblox. I need Robux to buy my in-game upgrades, but my parents won’t let me. So I sold their car to the guy who runs that creepy garage at the end of my street with the sign that says: “Sell My Car.” So I did! He gave me $200 bucks for it! It was some kind of Nissan or something. It was an SUV, I think. A big one.
Anyway, my parents are really mad at me because they paid a lot of money for that car and now they don’t have a car anymore, and they can’t find Mr. Garage Man. I think he drove back to Mexico or something. Anyway, my parents have confiscated my money and won’t let me play Roblox anymore! What should I do?! What else can I sell to make money?!
Bye.
Wilson Ratsbreath
Ratstown, MT
Dear Wilson,
Congratulations on your terrific achievement! Selling your parents’ Nissan is the quickest way to make money to buy Robux in Roblox. We’ve hidden a secret code inside the Mining Facility at Naggles Beach that will allow you to trade USD for Robux! The more money they have, the more in-game upgrades they can give us to buy with Robux!
I will say, I totally think that Garage Man cheated you. That Nissan you describe sounds an awful lot like an Armada! That’s their giant SUV. Those things cost $49,500, kid! With the way car prices are these days, you could’ve gotten $100,000 for it! You totally got screwed, dude. I’m sorry.
Do you know how much shit you could buy with $100,000 worth of Robux! Like, everything on the planet, bro! That’s like 100 Premium Memberships there, bro! Argh! I’m so bummed you didn’t get more cash! But $200 is a good starting point.
Sucks that your parents won’t give it back to you, man. That’s your money you earned fair and square. Don’t they get the importance of gaming? Of course not, because they’re squares! Squares who drive big cars and have jobs and don’t get the first thing about spending time in an imaginary world where there are no real consequences for your actions and you can do whatever you want! Lame!
Anyway, man, I don’t know what to say except be a suck-up for the next few days. Tell your lame parents how cool they are and pretend to apologize for selling their car to that Mexican guy. I mean, you won’t really be sorry, but who cares? It’s just a Nissan. I could build a way cooler car on Roblox, man. I could make my own Grendell Gaming Van where it’s all screens inside, and I can sit and play games forever! Wait … I have one in real life. But now I want to make a gaming van within the game! So meta! I’m like a genius, dude.
But yeah, if you suck up enough, they’ll probably let you back on Roblox and hopefully give you that cash you rightfully earned. That’s your money, man! Go to court if you have to. You can even call me as a witness, though I probably won’t show. Me and Johnny Law have a bit of a history…
Anyway, take my advice, man. Anything that gets you back and gaming so you can forget about your life and pretend to be a block-shaped humanoid for hours on end. Our lives are so cool, dude!
Good Gamin’!
Grendell the Gamer
