Auto Industry Ready for Emissions Challenges

Joe Biden is next to a cow butt.

One of the major issues that the auto industry has been dealing with for the past few decades is meeting emissions standards as they’re updated and become stricter. Just last month, more than 80 members of Congress sent letters to the Biden administration asking it to reinstate the 2025 emissions goals that had been set by President Obama. These goals, which the auto industry had agreed with back in 2011, had been reduced by the Trump administration just last year, and current members of Congress would like to see that undone.

Going even further, the senators from California asked President Biden to follow the Golden State’s lead by setting a deadline for all new vehicles being sold to be zero-emission models. As you likely know, California’s governor last year issued an executive order that will require all new passenger vehicles sold starting in 2035 to be zero-emission models. This is already going to create challenges for the auto industry, but if the President follows suit with a federal deadline, then things are going to become even more problematic.

Fortunately, several companies are already leading the charge with bold plans, regardless of whatever standards or orders are in place.

A man is next to a worker holding a tablet and a robot building something.

High Fuel Efficiency

If you keep an eye on car models with regard to fuel efficiency, then you can’t help but notice that auto manufacturers have already been working on meeting standards for high levels. Whether the Biden administration resets the 2025 goal to what President Obama had established or not, manufacturers are probably going to come pretty close to that mark since they should’ve been working toward it until last year. That is, of course, assuming they’re not treating this like a college student with a paper due and leaving it all until the last minute to figure out.

According to one source I spoke to, who wishes to remain anonymous, the auto industry is not particularly worried about fuel efficiency beyond driver concerns. “As long as people keep buying models with poor gas mileage, we’ll keep making them,” he told me. One expert pointed to a decrease in consumer-caring about fuel economy that lined up with the falling price of gas, which would suggest that it’s all about money and not the environment.

A man about to get a shot is flipping off the camera.

Zero-Emission Models

Perhaps the most impressive effort underway by the auto industry is the push toward fully zero-emission lineups in the not-too-distant future. GM has set a goal for itself of selling only emission-free cars by the time 2035 rolls around, while Ford wants to have an all-electric lineup in Europe by 2030. Of course, there are no regulations or penalties in place if these internal goals are missed; it’s just what they say they want to do.

I spoke to one industry insider who assured me, “Most of us are pretty certain the human race won’t last that long, so we’re setting goals that don’t matter to us.” When I followed up on this comment, he flipped me off, injected an impressive amount of drugs into his body, and wandered back into the corporate headquarters of [Name Redacted]. Fortunately, this seems to be an opinion few other auto manufacturers are willing to admit to out-loud, which I assume means they’re working diligently at these goals and not just making these statements to get good press.

A woman speaking at a press conference is next to a graphic showing syringes with question marks over people figures.

Even More Aggressive Plans

One CEO I spoke to impressed me with her plan for the future. “As we see it,” she said, “the problem isn’t just the cars; it’s the drivers. If we can get drivers off the road, then we’ll have fewer cars, fewer emissions, and a cleaner environment overall.” After several moments of intense eye-contact while drinking vodka straight from a bottle, she continued, “So we have a plan to eliminate 40-67% of the population, reducing emissions, and really helping the planet out for all of us.”

When I asked her to elaborate, she fell asleep and soiled her pants instead. Still, it’s clear that major corporations and the auto industry have a plan for how to handle things. And there will be good news in the decades ahead for those who live to see it.

Editor’s Note: While we were unable to confirm some of these statements – due to anonymous sources and our inability to contact the writer directly – from what we’ve seen, they make a lot of sense. It’s clear that wiping out a large segment of the population would be the easiest way for the ultra-rich to maintain their status and protect their resources. We suggest that you don’t worry about it too much and just enjoy the ride. Thank you.


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