Joe Biden Is Why You Can’t Buy a Ford Edge

A grey 2021 Ford Edge is shown in the center of a conspiracy map.

Have you gone to a Ford dealership recently? Have you tried to buy the 2021 Ford Edge only to discover that it’s not available right now? (No, you were able to get one? Liar!) Well, there’s a good reason for that: a microchip shortage, which was caused by a secret alliance between neo-feudalist cannibal Bill Gates and Joe Biden, the secret antichrist.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “Yes, this is so obvious; thank you, Von Gourdboddum!” But shut up, I haven’t explained it yet. Let me tell you what to think before you think it; otherwise, you’re just coming up with your own nonsense, and no one has time for that. I’m going to lay it all out, clear as day, and you’ll understand just how deep this gopher hole goes…

Twisted Beginnings – The Pooh Virus

This all goes back to COVID-19, released by the [Redacted] military in order to sweep the globe in a frenzy of panic and despair. Some of us have seen through the lies, but far too many people have been compliant and lazy, willing to believe the information they get from experts and scientists. You and I, however, we know better. The virus was just there to get us all under control and set the stage for the real plan.

Disgusting Developments – 5G, Microchips, and the Vaxxine

That’s where the vaxxine comes in – I refuse to spell it with two “c”s because that’s how their internet web spiders find this kind of truth and have it removed. They search for keywords and then shut down the tubes to keep brave people like you from reading it. Once you’re injected with the vaxxine, then they can control your thoughts! That’s why so many people have recently been acting like everything we know is true, isn’t true. They’re controlled.

The vaxxine has microchips in it to allow for this kind of control, using 5G signals to directly interface with the upper mygdalam of the brain. Think about it! There’s a virus that’s supposedly killing a bunch of people, but no one I know has died from it, so it’s all fake. It’s a distraction to keep us from seeing what’s really going on.

Then, at the same time, they release this miracle vaxxine; they just happened to be able to develop faster than every scientist says should be possible. And, just as the vaxxine rolls out, what happens? There’s a global shortage on microchips. Why?

Because the microchips are in the vaxxine, secretly sold off-the-books through the Bill Gates Foundation to pharma companies, so they could get us all chipped and controlled.

The Endgame – Meat’s Back on the Menu

And why do they want us chipped? So we’ll stop pursuing the truth and just be happy, placid little cows. Did you ever think about that? The word I won’t use for the vaxxine, comes from a French word for “cow.” Cows are docile, easy to control, and ultimately bred for the slaughterhouse. And that’s what they want to do with us.

The endgame here is simple: fake a virus, create a vaxxine with microchips in it, control the population, and finally start a fast-food chain serving burgers made using human meat! The elite-inati are all cannibals that constantly thirst for man-flesh. The last year and a half has been a single, long-game to turn us all into cannibals, too, so we won’t notice when they start to devour us. Well, I’ve had enough!

There’s only one solution: rise up, strike down the billionaire CEOs behind all of this evil, and eat the rich. Don’t wait for them to eat us. Get some steak sauce, strap on a bib, and have yourself a couple of billionaire-burgers this Fourth of July! Bon appetit, brothers and sisters.


Editor’s Note: The more we read, the more this started to make sense to us. We’ve reached out to several major corporate officers in the auto industry and invited them to a weekend BBQ. If anyone has any recipes for pulled pork using “long pig,” we’d love to receive them. Thank you.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here