Local Man Trades in First Born Child for 2023 Chevy Blazer

A grey 2022 Chevy Blazer is shown from the side during a new GM purchase program.

Chicago, IL – With so many new makes and models generating excitement for the upcoming model year and the worldwide microchip shortage limiting the production quotas of the major manufacturers, many consumers are scrambling to pre-order their vehicles far ahead of time. Among the vehicles that are generating excitement is the 2023 Chevy Blazer. As devotees of the bow-tie brand have been itching to get behind the wheel of the new vehicle, a controversial GM purchase program has come out of the recent overturning of Roe v. Wade and sets a new precedent for consumers who have no use for their unwanted children anymore.

It began at the North Park Pullman Chevy dealership a few weeks ago. Craig Russel, 37, arrived at the dealership to talk to the sales team about financing options for the 2023 Chevy Blazer, which is believed to be released in the coming months. The Chicago resident walked into a dealership with his six-month-old child and walked out with the paperwork for his brand-new Blazer. Those who might have witnessed the father and son arrive at the dealership might have been slightly perplexed at Russel leaving without his child.

That’s because Russel is the first person to participate in GM’s newest purchasing program, “Kids 4 Cars.” For a company that has continually been on the cutting edge of innovation and going against the grain of expectation, this might very well be one of the boldest moves the industry has ever witnessed. To fully grasp this new purchasing program, we met up with Salvatore Heymen, who’s been handling the logistics of the program for the past several months.

“The overturning of Roe v. Wade made us take stock of how certain policies dictated by our government impact our customers. As a brand, GM has always strived to provide alternatives to the average consumer that help them embrace and maintain a superior quality of life. ‘Kids 4 Cars’ is a simple premise that allows those who need a new automobile and live in areas where abortion is no longer legal, a wonderful compromise that allows for a common solution to both issues.” Heymen stated.

The program is simple. Parents of unwanted children can quite literally trade them in for a new Chevy vehicle. While this has been a controversial move, it’s already gained support on Capitol Hill. Congress has begun debating whether or not parents who trade their children in for vehicles can write off the transaction when it comes time to file their yearly income tax.

We reached out to Russel about the recent transaction, which involved giving up custody of his infant so he could get behind the wheel of the new Blazer. “Look, I’ll be honest. My wife and I can always have another kid if we want. That’s what viagra is for. But the 2023 Blazer? Come on, that’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that doesn’t always come around! And to be honest, I don’t even remember the brat’s name. The guys at the dealership helped me with the paperwork and even threw in a free air freshener. That’s why I love GM!”

But what happens to the children? Are they given new homes? Well, Heyman explained that the process that follows a trade-in is another aspect of GM repurposing discarded goods for a better purpose. “The children are sent to a foster program where they’re taught how to work on GM vehicles. Because they are now owned by GM, we can put them to work and don’t have to pay them. We save on labor costs, and our customers get new vehicles. It’s a win-win situation.”


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here