If you’re well-acclimated to meme culture (or even just the History Channel) you might be familiar with Giorgio A. Tsoukalos. While far from a household name, Tsoukalos (with his unconventional hairstyle) has become one of the great internet icons based upon his televised insistence that extraterrestrial influence has impacted all aspects of humanity’s development (including the creation of God him/her/itself). While we’re not here to debate the credentials of this iconic Swiss television personality, we are here to credit him with the power of a single phrase…a one-word indictment easily suitable as an explanation for just about everything…
“ALIENS…”
From speculation over the actual events that took place in Roswell, New Mexico to the puzzling implications of Russia’s Dyatlov Pass Incident, alien conspiracy theorists have no shortage of cases upon which they can speculate about the presence of alien interference. And now, the newest area of conspiratorial focus is the Ford service center of an Albany, NY car dealership. That’s right…people are worried about extraterrestrial forces at a Ford Dealership. And at the head of the pack stands the internet fame-seeking alien hunter, who has dubbed himself “The Boosh”.
“Basically,” he says. “I was was at [Dealership Name Omitted] in Albany, waiting for an inspection sticker on my 2017 Ford Flex. The TV in the waiting room happened to be airing a program about alien abduction so, needless to say, it had my attention. That was when the Service Manager, a guy named ‘Todd’ came out to check in with me and let me know about some issues they’d come across while looking at my car. Well, it was clear that ‘Todd’ was trying to distract me from something, I just wasn’t sure what. That’s when I realized he hadn’t recognized me from my countless appearances on community access cable.”
(Editor’s Note: Todd hadn’t seen any of The Boosh’s appearances on community access cable. In fact, there are no records of anyone sober having seen them, seeing as they were traditionally aired around 4AM on Sunday mornings)
“That, of course, worked to my advantage,” explains the wannabe alien hunter, adding, “So I asked him if he believed in aliens. He said ‘NO’. Now, any researcher worth their salt will tell you that is EXACTLY what an alien would say if they didn’t want you to find out they were an alien. Conclusion: Todd’s a lizard person wearing a synthetic human skinsuit and part of the mass abduction predicted in the Bible (aka “The Rapture”), which must be about to begin, right here in Albany.”
According to the police report, The Boosh (identified as Brendon Reginald Boucher) then broke out into a screaming fit, frightening the other customers until dealership personnel were forced to call the authorities and have him restrained. It is also worth clarifying that neither this, or any other reporter, noticed any mass alien abductions happening.
Todd from the dealership would neither confirm nor deny the accusation that he was an alien, or that he was planning any abductions, but he did offer us a punch card allowing us to earn a sixth FREE oil change. Thanks Todd.
