Ignorant, Uninformed Protestors Targets GMC for Discrimination

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A man in a suit with a car key in the palm of his hand, protesters in back

A recent poll, measuring the 2019 GMC Sierra 1500 vs 2019 Chevy Silverado has garnered national attention resulting from the outcries of political activist groups from coast-to-coast. While the protests seem to exist in a perpetual fugue-state, it was recently confirmed that they are fueled by troubling accusations being levied against the automaker, on behalf of the LGBTQ+ community.

The group claims that the in-house competition established between GM stablemates Chevy and GMC has created a hostile environment, further segregating and compartmentalizing the LGBTQ+ community as if their options for trucks were limited based on their lifestyles.

As explained by Dina Horrigan, organizer of the national marches, ”Do you have any (expletive deleted) idea what G-M-C stands for? It stands for “Gay Man’s Chevy” and don’t let them try to tell you anything different. It’s all appalling. The idea that GM would create a whole lineup of vehicles just to keep the gays in their place. It’s disgusting! And we won’t accept it!”

Now, it is worth clarifying that there is some confusion over the company’s name. Some argue that the truck-centric lineup’s moniker stands for ‘General Motors Company’ or “General Motors Corporation”. Others argue that it actually stands for “Grabowsky Motor Corporation”, a time-honored homage to early 20th century automotive pioneers Max and Morris Grabowsky. GM remains jovially tight-lipped on the topic. But according to Dina Horrigan, the jig is up.

Now, to be clear, the LGBTQ+ community has no direct involvement in the protests themselves. Those seem to have been organized and facilitated by a group of predominantly heterosexual upper-class middle-aged white women, equipped with the dangerous pairing of (i) too much time on their hands and (ii) too little information.

But what could possibly have inspired such grandiose claims from a third party group? An anonymous source (who absolutely did not want to be identified as Dina’s husband Brock) suggests that “it could have something to do with the fact that she really wanted a 2019 Escalade, and I thought I’d get away with giving her a nice Yukon Denali. I’m an idiot for thinking she wouldn’t escalate things, making it horrible for everyone, including GMC, because she didn’t get what she wanted. Dina’s like that.”

Nick Rifarro, Communications Officer of GLAAD came out in defense of General Motors stating, “While our community certainly appreciate the overwhelming amount of support received from our members and allies in identifying any examples of unfair targeting, systemic or otherwise, we are here to say that the accusation of General Motors and the GMC Brand bigotry is simply a non-issue. Reliable, versatile, deserving of their hard-earned reputation for excellence, GMC trucks combine the value of utility with the refinement of luxury. Any accusation of insensitivity negligence levied against GMC is the end-result of ignorant attempts at humor, and nothing more. It is with this in mind that we urge all of you to educate yourselves. Don’t let uninformed rhetoric and the ridiculousness of meme culture distract you from the real goals that we strive for every day. GMC, even if the letters of their name did stand for ‘Gay Man’s Chevy’ we’d be perfectly fine with that.”

According to inside sources, that closing statement has had the GMC Marketing Team locked behind close-door sessions for week, debating a complete overhaul of their image and target demographic.

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