It was 2010 when General Motors turned the last page and closed the book on Pontiac, a brand which – at the time – had endured as a mainstay of the automotive marketplace for over eighty years. And while such iconic vehicles as the GTO and Grand Prix might have begun to dim from the general cultural mindset, they’re still alive and well in the hearts and minds of the true enthusiast. The same, of course, could be said for the vehicle that served to define cool throughout the late 1970s and much of the 1980s. Of course, we’re talking about the Pontiac Firebird, which – thanks to a newly announced concert tour – might be making a comeback after nearly two decades.
This week, rock legends Mötley Crüe announced a U.S. stadium tour to take place in 2020, dissolving their “cessation of touring contract” by supposed popular demand. As some may be aware, Mötley Crüe had performed a 158 show farewell tour in 2014-15 despite very public drama existing between its four members. And while the aforementioned contract claimed to prevent them from ever touring again – unless all four members agreed – it had neither been legally validated or proven to exist. Now, fueled by the popularity of the band’s Netflix biopic Dirt, it would appear that the reunion is happening, with members Nikki Sixx, Mick Mars, Tommy Lee, and Vince Neill onboard. And this time, it appears that they plan to bring beloved hair band contemporaries Def Leppard and Poison along for the ride.
For those unfamiliar with the Crüe, here’s the official video for 1989’s “Kickstart My Heart”
Here’s the dramatic trailer for Dirt
Here’s the equally dramatic tour announcement:
But what does this have to do with rumors that GM plans to bring the Firebird back? According to GM Executive Vice President Barry Engle (who smashed an empty Natural Ice can on his forehead and chucked it at us, after we’d approached him at GM Headquarters), we’re “stupid f*cking assholes for even asking that question.”
According to Engle (pictured above, behind Nikki Sixx in 1989), “Mötley F*cking Crüe is the greatest f*cking band that ever f*cking lived. The best f*cking time of my life was when me and my boys, Murph and Tiggz, followed the Crüe down the eastern seaboard back in ’89. All we had was the money in our pocket, some matching half-shirts my mom made, the music, and my ’81 Firebird with the t-top down. Well, all that and the chlamydia, but that’s f*cking rock & roll, dude. So, yeah… If the Crüe is bringing the party back, you can bet that GM is bringing the Firebird back!”
While GM has yet to confirm such plans, they made little secret that Barry Engle is currently on extended leave seeking medical treatment of some kind. Pushing for more details, the automaker’s media liaison remained tight-lipped — but did keep tapping the side of his nose, for some reason.
So that’s it kids… The Firebird may (or may not) be coming ‘Home Sweet Home,’ and if you’ve got a f*cking problem with that, you’re going to have a lot of fifty-something old men in dusty airbrushed half-shirts to fight in a parking lot somewhere. Well, at least one — but fair warning – Barry Engle seems pretty f*cking pumped up about this… And we hear that acid-washed denim burns can cause serious damage to aging skin.