If you’re among those who keep up to date with live auto news, you’re aware of the countless recalls and bad press that blights the automotive industry. One such headline is Ford’s continued subjection to the U.S. government’s auto safety agency’s exhaustive (no pun intended) investigation into complaints of exhaust fumes inside Ford Explorers.
With over 2,700 complaints issued, the effects related to such claims have been connected to headaches and varying degrees of nausea. And on the more extreme end of the spectrum, some claim to have resulted in the loss of consciousness and multiple motor vehicle crashes.
Beginning with the 2011 model year, the probe now extends to cover over 1.3 million vehicles. And yet, not all of the press related to the investigation is negative, as evidenced by recent accolades that the Explorer has received from a relatively unrepresented subculture within our society…the flatulent.
Meet Dan Shartlique, Founder, and President of the Bethesda, MD chapter of S.E.T.I.M.A.D.O.E. (the Society for Ethical Treatment and Inclusion of Methane Afflicted Dutch-Oven Enthusiasts). Shartlique, like many of his fellow members, count themselves among those afflicted by Chronic Flatulence, a condition which reduces their ability to control their own gas emissions.
And while there are certainly more mainstream groups designed to support those burdened with uncontrollable gas, S.E.T.I.M.A.D.O.E. sets itself apart by catering to an even more specific subset: those who are openly sexually aroused by subjecting others to their emissions.
“There’s a lot of misinformation out there about Dutch-Oven enthusiasts,” claims Shartlique.”For example, a lot of people think it only exists in bed, by farting and then pulling the covers over someone’s head. I mean, sure, it’s a classic move…it’s even how I proposed to my wife, Sherein. But a true Dutch-Oven enthusiast operates on multiple levels, everywhere they can. Elevators. Public Showers. But especially in vehicles.”
Re-enter Ford, who could certainly benefit from some good press, as well as a practical means of masking their own high-profile emissions. And in a world where so many minority groups are demanding representation within the mainstream media, S.E.T.I.M.A.D.O.E. presents the automaker with an opportunity to gain some humanitarian credibility by embracing the group. Everybody wins, right?
“So, we reached out to Ford,” explains Shartlique, “and eventually tracked them down, to see if they were willing to form a public partnership.” And according to him, Ford was surprisingly open-minded,
“Basically, we just told those filthy farters they could do whatever they wanted, just as long as they stopped calling us,” was the clarification offered by an unnamed source at Ford.
And thus, the Ford Explorer was unanimously voted “Official Vehicle of the Flatulent” by the national charter of S.E.T.I.M.A.D.O.E. The association praised its cabin dimensions for possessing ideal dimensions for gas dispersal and distribution, and enough seating to allow maximum enjoyment of an airborne dutch oven.
Ford CEO Jim Hackett declined the opportunity to comment.
