If the 2021 Honda Civic Were President

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A red, a white, and a blue 2021 Honda Civic are at a US press conference podium.

We all know that if you’re foreign-born you can’t be President of the United States. So that kind of ruins the premise of an introspective piece like this, but let’s just pretend for a second that the first section of Article Two of the U.S. Constitution was amended to allow foreign-made objects to become President. With that said, what would the country look like under the rule of the 2021 Honda Civic?

Inanimate Objects As Leaders

Now the first thing most people would question is, “How can an inanimate object become President?” but you’re asking a silly question from the wrong direction. You should be asking, “What would the 2021 Honda Civic be like as President if it were sentient?” which is a much better starting place.

Let us also not be caught up in the quandary of sentience, since whether the 2021 Honda Civic becomes sentient or not, it’s still––as an inanimate object––just as intellectually capable of becoming an effective leader as our current and future incumbent.

Even more than that, sometimes being inanimate works to an advantage. You don’t have to worry about the Civic speaking out of turn, saying something embarrassing, insulting someone, or, worst of all, caught up in a lie.

However, if the 2021 Honda Civic were sentient, then it would likely have some great economic plans, exciting foreign policies, and it would certainly be loved by all given its history and sales leadership as one of Honda’s most recognized brands. Heck, it’s named “Civic” after all, and that means it has a propensity to be civil.

And besides, who wouldn’t vote for something simply because it’s popular? That’s a great ticket to run on.

An Eco-Friendly Leader

A good leader knows how to lead by change and what better way to lead the first world into a new generation of happiness and good will for all than with eco-friendly policies? There is no better way, and that’s what makes the Honda Civic a perfect vehicle to take the new world into the next step of the eco-conscious evolution.

Take, for instance, the Eco Mode button that comes equipped with newer generation Honda Civics, including the 2021 Honda Civic. It transforms the car into a tree-hugging, ozone-layer compassionate, emission-adverse road warrior, saving you fuel and improving engine and transmission output efficiency. It’s the equivalent of literally spreading peace and love all around the world at the press of a button, only in the form of a car. How magnificent is that?

Could you imagine if current world leaders could press a big green button and then automatically everything within that region became friendlier, happier, more productive, and a lot more efficient? You could solve world hunger, poverty, and depression overnight with such power, and yet if the Honda Civic were President, it would possess those powers if it could spread Eco Mode throughout every level of government… Or heck, the world.

Foreign Policy Through Badging

Even though Honda as a brand hails from Japan, the Civic could be considered a citizen of the world. Why? Because the international rebadging has seen the Civic live vicariously through a number of other badges spread out over the world, including the Acura in Canada, the Concerto and Integra in Japan, and the Triumph Acclaim in Britain. It’s like a four-wheeled, world-traveled hitchhiker who adopted a different name for each new region it traversed.

If the Honda Civic were President, this would be a great trait to have – essentially being the mechanical equivalent of multilingual. This would make the Civic a superstar when it comes to foreign policies since it could speak multiple languages, resolve issues on the Left and Right (since it can drive on either side of the road, depending on the country), and always manage to stay economically conscious of trade laws and tariffs. This is made more evident since it’s used to having prices adjusted per region and is suitably adapted for specific markets.

The best part about it is that if things go sour between nations and the Civic can’t get things resolved; it can have a rebadged version roll into the room and pretend as if it’s a completely different vehicle. It’s a great way to make a second first impression, something that you just can’t do in real life politics without a name-change and some extensive plastic surgery.

Hatch Racing to Resolve War

One of the biggest issues that plagues any first-world nation is war. It seems inevitable. Oftentimes it’s said that war is a great way to bolster the economy because the private sector takes bids to build machines, while local manufacturing gets a jolt to make equipment for soldiers. Thousands of young men and women gear up to stand on the frontlines to fight on behalf of politicians who are usually too preoccupied to fight their own battles on foreign soil, which creates a bit of a conundrum when citizens begin to recoil at the idea of war. However, there’s a fairly easy solution to all of this: hatch racing.

If there’s anything that the Fast & Furious taught us, its that the fastest and most furious racer lives life a quarter mile at a time, and if that maxim worked in the movie then why couldn’t it work in real life? If the Honda Civic were President, instead of having subordinates in a military branch fight on its behalf, it would just undergo government-approved, aftermarket tuning to put on its fast and duly furious fascia.

A country is breaking Geneva conventions to invade another country? The Honda Civic could challenge that leader to a quarter-mile street race.
A small war-torn region is being raided by terrorists and dealing with insurgent forces? No problem, face off in a head-to-head off-road desert race.

Running low on local resources and in need of pillaging a resource-rich nation for goods? Easy, drag race for the resources, and whoever wins walks away with the commodities.

It would make for a fantastic spectacle, and the best part about it is that no one would have to get hurt.

“But how would a standard 2021 Honda Civic compete in these intense war races?” you ask. Simple. Either have the Civic tuned with the appropriate dealer-provided OEM parts or have a 2021 Honda Civic Type R appointed as the Secretary of Defense to handle all of the war-racing.

The Civic Type R is outfitted with a 2.0-liter turbocharged four-cylinder engine that produces up to 306 horsepower. Given that it’s just under two tons, the Civic R is a perfectly suitable racing machine that gets great gas mileage. This would be excellent for endurance races that would take place in nations where it’s mainly open road. The light curb weight would make it perfect for class-specific drag racing, while the turbocharged powertrain would make it ideal for drift challenges to determine import/export taxes.

Everyone wins…except for the losers in the race.

Haggle-Free Economy

The Honda Civic so far seems like a great choice for a keen leader across a number of different facets. It has a handle on peace, foreign policy, and war. The only thing left for it to tackle is the economy.

We all know that a strong economy is a gateway for a country to lead the ranks in national happiness. If everyone has money in their pockets and a great car to drive, then there would be no reason to be depressed, angry, or poor.

The 2021 Honda Civic could solve all of these issues since it’s a budget-priced midsize sedan that seats up to five, and promises great features and infotainment at an affordable price. And with all the money citizens could save on fuel, everyone would be rich.

With a President that promotes an economy anchored on family driving, economical gas mileage, and stylish designs, a nation themed around building and driving variations of the Honda Civic and its trims mean that everyone will want to buy, build, and drive a Civic, all the time.

The economy would boom, families would come together, divorce rates would plummet since there wouldn’t be a point in being single when the only cars to drive seats up to five people, and kids would always listen to their parents at home since every Civic comes equipped with Apple CarPlay and Android Auto. Essentially young people would have no reason to rebel if they’re always being entertained while in the car, meaning that they’ll always want to spend time with the family if it means riding in a Civic.

In the end, there wouldn’t be any downsides to the 2021 Honda Civic being President…just until a new generation of the Civic arrives and attempts to improve on every aspect of the previous Civic.

A red 2021 Honda Civic is in front of an American flag for the 2020 US Election.

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