Lately there have been many reports of extreme buyer’s remorse sweeping the nation – in fact, Buyer’s Remorse is reaching near-pandemic levels among car shoppers. The ailment seems to be primarily afflicting middle-aged parents who are forced to decide between SUV’s that seem similar on paper, but are actually vastly different in person. We’ve decided to speak on-the-record to some of the most recent patients of Buyer’s Remorse to find out what exactly started this downward spiral into self-loathing and excessive second-guessing.

Mother of three Cynthia Smith blamed her recent decision to buy the 2017 Subaru Forester vs. the 2017 Nissan Rogue not on her failure to perform adequate research before choosing between the two compact crossover SUV’s, but rather on over a decade’s worth of severe sleep deprivation coupled with Dunkin’ Donuts mistakenly giving her decaf coffee instead of her regular extra jolt of joe prior to her mid-morning trip to the dealership.

“I just don’t know what I was thinking,” said Smith tearfully as she reversed her 2017 Subaru Forester awkwardly down her driveway. “I always wanted a crossover that got 26 miles to the gallon in the city and 33 mpg on the highway, but now I’m stuck with this hunk-of-junk that only gets 22 mpg in the city and 28 mpg on the highway. It’s killing my kids’ college funds, one gas station stop at a time.” Between sobs, Smith bemoaned the dollars she could be saving if she had only opted for the 2017 Nissan Rogue rather than jump straight into the 2017 Subaru Forester, but says that the pushy salesman at her local dealership had sold her the Subaru by touting its extremely good safety rating while failing to mention that the 2017 Nissan Rogue has also been named a Top Safety Pick+ by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety.

While Ms. Smith may be primarily worried about the long-term implications of driving the gas-guzzling 2017 Subaru Forester over the slow-sippin’ 2017 Nissan Rogue, she is also very concerned that her kids will think she doesn’t love them as much as her neighbors love their kids. When asked why, Smith pointed to her neighbor’s 2017 Nissan Rogue and the third row seat that was currently occupied by one child who was lounging comfortably in the very back of the car while his parents loaded up 9.4 cubic feet of trunk space behind him with beach chairs, a cooler and a volleyball net.

“That’s the Wolzenacki family,” Smith whispered enviously in my ear. “They do this every weekend in the summer – load up their 2017 Nissan Rogue with the very best beach gear and take off for the coast. We do the same, but we can only bring our three children and none of their friends, since we don’t have third row seating in the 2017 Subaru Forester.” Just then, Smith’s fifteen-year old daughter Charlotte emerged from the house, slammed the front door and begrudgingly managed to stare at both her mother and the offensive 2017 Subaru Forester sitting in her driveway.

“Don’t mind Charlotte, she’s just upset that we can’t drive her teammate to their soccer tournament tonight. It’s too bad too – the girl who needs a lift is their only goalie and now they’ll probably lose the championship match” Ms. Smith stated as she slammed the 2017 Subaru Forester’s trunk shut, concealing it’s mere 34.4 cubic feet of trunk space. To add insult to Ms. Smith’s injury, the 2017 Nissan Rogue offers 39.3 cubic feet of trunk space if you bypass the third row seats. Ouch.

If there is any good news to be had, it’s that Cynthia Smith is not alone in her 2017 Subaru Forester anguish. Dan “The Man” Wakefield also suffers daily from Buyer’s Remorse and says he rues the day that he ever decided to buy the 2017 Subaru Forester over the 2017 Nissan Rogue.

“Look, they don’t call me The Man for nothing,” Dan greets me by way of explanation. “I am THE MAN – I buy only the best of the best and only the toughest of the tough.” Which begs the question – why did he purchase the 2017 Subaru Forester instead of the 2017 Nissan Rogue, even though the Nissan Rogue has a 3 out of 5 score from J.D. Power and Associates as compared to the 2017 Subaru Foresters 2.5 out of 5 score?

“To put it short, I got bamboozled. I believed the salesperson who told me that the 2017 Subaru Forester had a better engine than the 2017 Nissan Rogue, although I came to find out that both SUV’s run off of a 2.5-liter four-cylinder engine. I would be getting 170 horsepower no matter which SUV I chose after all.” Wakefield looks ashamed as he recounts his poor decision-making. “Luckily it’s only a lease, so as long as I can ride it out for another 36 months, I’ll be okay. But honestly, I don’t know if I’ll make it… every day feels longer than the last. I commute an hour to work each way, so for 120 minutes a day – 600 minutes a week – I kick myself for not buying the 2017 Nissan Rogue instead of the 2017 Subaru Forester.”

Rita Anderson also understands how Cynthia Smith and Dan Wakefield feel. “I wake up every day with a crushing weight on my chest, just knowing that I have to face the day being a person who drives a Subaru Forester and not a Nissan Rogue.” Anderson says she felt that since that 2017 Subaru Forester offered six trims, she would be getting more bang for her buck than by opting for one of the 2017 Nissan Rogues three trims.

“I was so, so wrong. The interior of my car is just so… basic. The quality is sub-par – it’s so obvious they made the car to be simply functional and not fun. To be honest, the interior of my 2017 Subaru Forester just makes me sad, especially when I remember how good I felt sitting in the 2017 Nissan Rogue.” Anderson shook her head glumly and before entering her car’s dull cabin turned to me and simply said “I just hope others can learn from my mistake.”


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