Long John Silver’s Employees Gain Unexpected Ally

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Woman considering replacing Long John Silver's with a used car near Louisville

Louisville, KY – This one’s for all the Christians out there. Wednesday, March 6th marks the beginning of Lent, prompting all God’s good little doobies to give up something they love for forty days in a show of solidarity, symbolizing repentance and introspection. But, if you’re uncertain what to give up for lent this year, you might want to go to fast-food chain Long John Silver’s for advice, because they’re giving up almost two dozen employees. And if you’re looking to help those displaced employees, you might want to consider shopping for used cars near Louisville.

Due to the diligent sacrifice of red meat consumption during Lent, the season marks one of the busiest times of the year for Long John Silver’s. But recent years have introduced several struggles for the business, and its near 1,000 stores nationwide; struggles which couldn’t be resolved by new leadership, or an overhauled aesthetic. Which brings us to the layoff of twenty employees from their headquarters, specializing in human resources, accounting, marketing, customer serving, and employee training (among others).

Brick building with Long John Silver's signIn a formal statement, Long John Silver’s shared, “As our company has grown and changed structurally so have our employee needs in terms of types of employees, locations and skills. We are making changes in our headquarters to fuel our growth and reflect the changes in our organization.”

Despite the company’s insistence that they’re looking to help transition the displaced employees, a relative of one such employee explained that each of the employees was escorted out of company’s headquarters in a manner more dismissive than anything else, adding, “They need to find Jesus.”

But while many local news venues have taken that particular quote as in indictment of Long John Silver’s practices, urging them to rethink their decision through discussion with the Lord, The Lemon has discovered otherwise.

Meet Jesus de LaCruz, former Mexican Wrestling League Superstar and owner of Cruzin’ Motors, a pre-owned car dealership located on the outskirts of Louisville. A successful business owner, Mr. de LaCruz had caught wind of the dismissals, and immediately offered all affected employees immediate employment at his dealership.

Jesus with thumbs up next to ex wrestler Jesus who sells used cars near Louisville
Who’s yer buddy? (Left) Jesus of Nazareth or (Right) Jesus of Cruzin’ Motors?

“Losing a job is hard for anyone,” he explained. “I can’t stand to see people struggle so, whether they’re looking for something permanent or temporary, there’s a home for everyone here at Cruzin’ Motors. I might not be able to offer some of them a comparable position, or pay scale, but I’ll help in any way that I can.”

But why would a random dealership owner feel compelled to absorb the burden of twenty salaries? We asked him and, throwing his arms up in the air, Jesus de LaCruz just laughed.

“Who knows? Maybe I’m giving up being an asshole for Lent. Then again, maybe I can sympathize because I used to work for Long John Silver’s back in the day. It was my job to grind up whatever fish they received in…Scrod, Tilefish, Eel…whatever it was that they were calling ‘Cod’ on a particular day, and form it into patties. It was a horrible job. Then one day I was called into the manager’s office and fired, out of nowhere. Turns out some kid had almost choked on an octopus’ eyeball…or “hushpuppies”, as we called them. Whatever. The kid was okay and it’s all ancient history now.”

Yellow coupon for huspuppies
An expired coupon for Hushpuppies. Don’t even try to use it, cheapskate…

Time will tell if any of the dismissed LJS employees will be taking Mr. de LaCruz up on his generous offer. But if there’s one thing we do know, it’s this…we’re never ordering hushpuppies at Long John Silver’s again.

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