Writing about the auto industry can be a tough gig; not because the work is difficult (it’s just cars), but because the stories and events I investigate and report on can be rough subjects. Things like Ford showing their support for social justice while also getting big law enforcement contracts for their Interceptor models; or how General Motors paid -2.4% in federal taxes on $8.1 billion in profits in 2018 (yes, that’s a negative); or the extensive use of genetically engineered crab-human hybrids in vehicle crash tests. Today, however, I have the good fortune to get to write about a situation that is far more uplifting and positive.
The Big Moment
On Friday, the 25th of June, 2021, Mr. Johannes Schnrub was enjoying a pleasant morning just like any other day. He had made himself a light breakfast of fried eggs on hash browns, stacked on several layers of toasted bread, then smothered in a rich, sausage gravy, and was drinking his fourth cup of coffee for the day. It was an enjoyable Friday morning wholly unremarkable up to that point, when something truly extraordinary happened.
Mr. Schnrub decided to get a jumpstart on the weekend’s chores by doing some laundry – as one does. He gathered up the clothes he had worn that week and just as he was about to head down into his basement with his laundry basket against his hip, he noticed a pair of pants shoved back on the floor of his closet. The pants had been back there at least a month or two and he’d simply overlooked them the last few times he did his laundry.
Setting down the basket with a huff, Mr. Schnrub crawled under the clothes hanging in his closet and pulled the dusty pants from the back corner. Being a reasonable man, he quickly turned out the pockets of the pants to make sure he didn’t have any tissues or an old mask stuck in them. That’s when he found it – a small roll of hundred-dollar bills that he’d completely forgotten about – as one does. Scratching at his chin a moment in puzzlement, he unrolled the bills and counted them out to find that he had discovered $30,000 in cash.
Now: A Momentous Decision
While you or I might find such a haul and realize it was time for a road trip to Michigan or a similarly romantic destination, Mr. Schnrub had other plans. Finding such an impressive cash loaf in an old pair of pants meant he could invest in something important. Something meaningful – now he just had to make a decision. A quick internet search revealed the value of what he had discovered and he needed to figure out what to do with it.
With $30k in cash, he could either buy a dozen 2x4s and several sheets of plywood, or he could buy the finest 1987 Honda Accord on the market. He sat in quiet contemplation for a full 17 minutes pondering what best to do with his newfound windfall; in time, the right decision came to him. Now, only a month later, Mr. Schnrub is enjoying his 1987 Accord, complete with lo-fi cassette deck, ripped all-vinyl interior, and 218,000 miles on it, and feels he has made the right investment. Drive on, you crazy diamond – drive on!
Editor’s Note: We reached out to Mr. Schnrub and while he did not wish to comment on this story, he has verified its accuracy. This was important as we feel $30k for a 1987 Honda Accord is a remarkable find in the current market and we had a hard time believing it. According to Kelly Blue Book, his vehicle is now worth more than $42k and climbing each day. Thank you.
