Masshole Drops “Trou’ and Gets Weird With Local Laws

Weathered United States flag with Massachusetts license place reading

If you’re ever sitting at home, bored (probably with no pants on) and feel like falling down a rabbit-hole, do an online search for crazy state laws. You’ve probably heard some of them before, such as the fact that it’s illegal to sleep on a supermarket bread shelf in North Carolina. Or that you can’t take a lion to the movies in Maryland. Oh, and if you have any plans of shoving a moose out of an airplane in Alaska, you better think twice pal. Noteworthy among Ohio state laws are decrees that no law-breaking individual may be arrested (i) on Sunday, or (ii) on the Fourth of July, laws that are both awesome and (as I learned the hard way) not-at-all-honored-or-enforced by local or state authorities. And how did I learn this? By visiting Toyota dealers in Ohio, walking in nude, and offering everyone the opportunity to check out my ‘Prius’. That’s right, I nicknamed my member after the Toyota Prius, because they’re both visually displeasing and ‘take a while to get up to speed’ if you know what I mean. 

But this all got me thinking? How many bizarre state laws could I test, if given the opportunity? And even more so, could I use these opportunities to speak with the American people and get a better understanding of what they’re looking for in their elected officials, building a foundation for a 2020 political run in my home state of Massachusetts. Also, how tolerant are our individual states of ‘waist-down nudity’?

Thus, I am proud to present my exciting new endeavor, “Masshole for Change”, a pants-less trek across America which (beginning next month) you’ll be able to follow online ( on Instagram (@massholeforchange) and Facebook. Covering 24 states, I will be traveling 5,075 miles in 275 days ushering a whole new era of getting in touch with America, by “getting weird” with it. 

Here are just a few of the topics I’ll be touching on while testing strange state laws, while naked from the waist down. 

  • California: Discuss the evolving demands of clean energy legislation while hosting an open-registration frog-jumping contest, and eating any that might die in the process. 
  • Arizona: Speak with locals about policing, in the aims of improving both efficiency and public relations while feeding household garbage to a pig, without the required permit. 
  • Utah: Debate the merits of marijuana legalization while attempting to buy and/or sell alcohol during an emergency (which I’ll admittedly have to plan and execute myself, unless a natural emergency takes place). 
  • Illinois: Touch on the ever-growing threat of opioid addiction while knowingly falling asleep in a cheese-shop.
  • Indiana: Become better acclimated with the burden of foster care providers while catching fish bare-handed. Take that, Nazis!
  • Pennsylvania: Learn more about the debate on school choice while catching fish with my mouth. Double-tap, Nazis!
  • New York: Create a productive discourse on infrastructure spending while taking a selfie with a Tiger! 
  • Connecticut: Get a closer look at higher education opportunities available to all citizens while enjoying “Silly String” outside the privacy of my own home!

Needless to say, I look forward to meeting with real Americans as we look forward to building new legislation built around the actual needs of today’s Americans. I’m Mitch McDangles, and I approve this message. Also, I’m not wearing any pants. 


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