Mazda SUV

To anyone over the age of thirty, dating just isn’t what it used to be.

Since the dawn of time, mankind had successfully facilitated its mating rituals through a combination of primal chemistry and organic social interaction. In fact, some might argue that our ability to sustain our species reproductively across millennia serves as the ultimate example of “if it aint broke, don’t fix it.”

But just as easily as our shopping habits are so easily influenced by search engine optimization, flooding our newsfeed with products that we may (or may not) have casually mentioned in the presence of the all-seeing, all-listening, all-knowing eye of Google, the process of dating has evolved as well. The act of finding that perfect person for either a night, or the rest of your life, has been boiled down to a series of algorithms and your ability to finger swipe a screen (that you are able to hold thanks to your opposable thumbs).

Efficient? Sure. But so is artificial insemination, and while that particular scientific advancement has done wonders for those unable to reproduce through natural means, I hope that it never negates our desire as a species to take the “Flesh Train to Pound Town.”

Of course, I’m talking about intercourse of the sexual variety.

But whether we’re talking about Tinder, Grindr, Bumble, OKCupid or the ever-awkward eHarmony, dating apps have become the most widely embraced means for a progressively more socially awkward humanity to get laid. The more casual are based simply upon a mutual physical attraction, while others take an allegedly more scientific approach by pairing shared values, goals and interests.

And everyone is getting in on the game…even automakers.

According to Takeji Kojima, General Manager of Corporate Communications at Mazda SUV, “Today’s drivers demand a fully inclusive driving experience. The increasingly more connective nature of our society means that all aspects of our life prove most enjoyable when they converge through a central interface. And with today’s vehicles designed to sync seamlessly with our smartphones, drivers can do everything from exchange important email correspondence, to shop online using voice control. So, tell me, why shouldn’t they be able to interact on a more personal basis?”

With this in mind, Mazda broke new ground by introducing “Mazda Swipe,” an exclusive app accessible only to their loyal customer base. Made available to both new customers and (retroactively) to anyone who purchased a 2016 CX model, or newer, “M-Swipe” allows like-minded singles to meet through their shared love of Mazda.

With an approved access code provided by their dealer, users are able to create a unique profile from which they can build a community of potential partners. All contact and communication is consensual, allowing for personal customization of the interaction experience. And while this innovative approach serves to reinforce Mazda’s customer base through unity, it also aims to generate future incremental business as a result of user satisfaction.

“The problem, “ according to Ashe L’Sketi, Senior Partner at Bisch & Moane Marketing, “is that the app is founded upon a tragic flaw. While M-Swipe users might find connections based on mutual interests, hobbies, or backgrounds, the simple truth is that they all drive a Mazda. The data is clear as day: “Driving a Mazda” ranks just above “Bad Kisser” and just below “Has AIDS” in terms of “Turn-Offs for Millennials.” At the end of the day, once the spark fades, you’re left with two people unable to climax because of what their partner drives. Ultimately, that’s why M-Swipe was recently named the worst dating app ever by respected trade publications like “MotorBend” and “Whore & Driver.”

If you’re a Mazda customer who has used M-Swipe, let us know about your experience!


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