Musk v. Bezos: Battle for Dark Side of the Moon

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Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos set their sights on space travel
Musk or Bezos: who will be the first innovator to help humanity conquer space?

One might say that this past Saturday, May 18th, was written in the stars — with the seasonal occurrence of a ‘Blue Moon’ coinciding with the announcement of the Jeff Bezos-funded plans for the creation of a lunar landing module. And while, let’s be honest, we at The Lemon may have been distracted by the clever tie-in from (MillerCoors-owned) Blue Moon Belgian White, in the creation of their ‘Lander Keg,’ our jobs as automotive journalists required us to notice some live auto news waves over at Tesla. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves…

Blue Moon Belgian White's (Blue Origin-inspired) "Lander Keg"
Blue Moon Belgian White’s (Blue Origin-inspired) “Lander Keg”

Blue Origin is a privately-owned space company, financed by none other than Amazon CEO and ‘Richest Man in the World’ Jeff Bezos, of Amazon fame. Bezos’ declaration that his ‘Blue Moon Lander’ and other space-faring projects are “the most important work (he’s) doing” can’t help but evoke similar sentiments expressed by Tesla/SpaceX entrepreneur Elon Musk. Of course, Musk’s SpaceX efforts have snagged their fair share of headlines, riding the fine line between hardcore science and rock star antics; in turn, the efforts of Blue Origin seem to fall under the same umbrella. Bottom-line, terrestrial wealth seems to have fueled a visionary refocus on celestial privatization; a prediction which had been made long-before damning cuts were made to NASA’s government-funded efforts. So it’s of little surprise that a sense of one-upmanship has taken form.

Blue Origin Founder Jeff Bezos presents his Blue Moon Lunar Landing Module
Blue Origin Founder Jeff Bezos presents his Blue Moon Lunar Landing Module

As of mid-May 2019, Bezos’ net worth has been estimated at around $152 billion (although a large percentage is expected to go to Bezos’ ex-wife, as part of their pending divorce settlement). Regardless, Bezos’ wealth currently eclipses (pun fully intended) Musk’s net worth of $19.5 billion. However, leading analysts have speculated that Musk might snag the top sport based around (i) post-divorce adjustment and (ii) projected remuneration to be received by Musk if he successfully leads Tesla to a $100B goal that’s been set.

But Elon Musk has never been one to sit around and wait for success to be handed to him and, according to insiders, it would appear that he has taken issue with Bezos’ sights being set on the moon. According to a source from Musk’s camp (who has requested that The Lemon protect their anonymity due to restrictions imposed by their non-disclosure agreement) Musk ‘doesn’t like the idea of people thinking of Bezos every time they look up in the sky’ and wants to bring their perspective ‘back down to earth’ until SpaceX is ready to make their next move.

And, notorious for finding inspiration in the most unexpected of places, it appears that Musk is setting his sights on the anti-vax community. On May 28th of last year, Musk had publicly criticized the prevalence of science-refuting misinformation on social media platforms with the following Tweet:

Elon Musk Tweet from May 2018 depicting his intention to battle "Fake News"

And, while discussion of Pravda is best left for another day, it seems to have been birthed from the same kind of reactionary inspiration that has led us to Musk’s ‘New Moon’ project. The name, of course, seems to be shadily tongue-in-cheek, having some fun at the expense of Bezos. That said, there’s nothing celestial about ‘New Moon.’

Basically, the idea centers around the use of nanotechnology to make global vaccinations more efficient. According to our source Musk “believe(s) that the domestic increase of measles outbreak combined with illnesses in third world nations proves that disease must be addressed before we enter the cosmic stage like some sort of earth-born contagion.”

While unconfirmed, leaked information depicts Musk’s plan to distribute microscopic robots on a global level which will attach themselves to the human posterior and distribute multiple self-evolving vaccinations designed to combat all forms of progressive human disease.

The Lemon has been unable to confirm such claims, but the anti-vax community is already up in arms referring to such ideas as “criminally and immorally invasive.”

Internet Meme claiming that "Vaccines are the government's way of injecting nanobots in you so they can track everything".

And while he’s neither a scientist of an anti-vaxxer, it would appear that my Uncle Jerry agrees claiming, “I’ll tell Elon Musk the same thing I told Tommy Connor back when I was in the Navy. You stay away from my ass, dude. Just stay away…”

Time will tell if this unfounded rumor ever sees the light of day. That said, next time you look up in the evening sky, see the moon, and think of Jeff Bezos be sure to watch your ass for tiny robots (and someone named Tommy Connor, apparently).

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