NBA Player Exposes Flaws in Toyota Naming Strategy

The Toyota logo on black with a basketball player

Houston, TX – Will your mother, wife, girlfriend or daughter like the 2019 Toyota Sequoia? To quote 1990’s rapper Sir Mix-a-lot, “Only if she’s 5’ 3”.” At least that’s the opinion of Javonte Bocephus, fourth-string point guard for the Houston Rockets.

Professional athletes have evolved to play an intriguing role in today’s society. From Colin Kaepernick’s role as an anti-racism protestor to Serena Williams’ vocal opposition to body-shaming, athletes have been slowly-asserting themselves as the newest breed of political activists in this world gone mad.

And while many of their fans (and like-minded political allies) are all-too-glad to stand behind these activist-athletes, an even wider segment of our population would be perfectly happy if they would just get back to playing the sports that they’re already overpaid to play. 

But thanks to the controversial nature of Bocephus’ comments, the Houston Rockets are being forced into conflict with the very building they call home. That home is the Toyota Center, located in Houston TX. 

Since its opening in 2003, the $235 million dollar facility has served as the home of the NBA’s Rockets. And thanks to their willingness to pay up another $100 million, automaker Toyota earned the naming rights. And it’s the intimate relationship between Toyota and Houston Rockets that makes Bocephus’ statements so attention-grabbing. 

“The Toyota Sequoia aint sh-t!” exclaimed Bocephus following the team’s December 17th (102-97 point) victory against the Utah Jazz. “They call that m-therf-cker the) Sequoia? F-ck, brah. Everybody knows that Sequoias is tall. But a (racially-sensitive term) like me? Six-foot m-therf-cking eight! I’m like the Sequoia of (racially-sensitive term). But guess what? Aint no way I can fit comfortably in no Toyota Sequoia! So why the f-ck did they name it ‘Sequoia’? M-therf-ckers should have called it the Toyota Dwarf, or some shit to communicate how little it is! All it does is show a tall brother like myself that Toyota don’t care about me. They don’t care about my friends, or my teammates. F_ck! They probably don’t care about black people at all!”

Now, it’s worth pointing out that 6’8” Javonte Bocephus is a 23-year old caucasian from southern New Hampshire. Born Jeff Gaidanowicz, he changed his name legally after being snagged at the bottom of the second-round during last year’s NBA draft. And while he hasn’t played a full game, it’s widely believed that he’s about to get released from the team due to his apparent inability to stop yelling “(racially-sensitive term)”.

Assistant General Counsel Ray Allen has gone on record to say that, “Mr. Bocephus’ opinion is “his own, and is not shared by the Houston Rockets organization, its owners or corporate sponsors.” He also went on to state that, “The Houston Rockets understands the controversial nature of Bocephus’ words and demeanor, and the compromising position they have been placed in with Toyota, namesake to the team’s facility. Unfortunately, we’re afraid to tell anyone what they can or can’t say anymore. It’s hard to tell. God, we miss America.”

Where will this lead?  Time will tell. But The Lemon will be sure to keep you in the loop as details develop. 


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