New Chevy Lease Is Maybe TOO Hot

A white Chevy Bolt EV is shown on fire after making a Chevy lease deal.

As the seasons change and the cold weather approaches, a new lease deal from Chevy is burning up the automotive world. Chevy’s flagship EV was already an exceptional value in its class, but a new cost-saving feature has ensured that––at least until the fire department shows up––the hottest Chevy lease deal is the Chevy Bolt.

While not mentioned in any of the literature accompanying the EV, two Bolt owners discovered the hidden feature after their vehicles burst into flames following a recall-related repair. While the fire, which originated in the vehicle’s batteries, was technically too noxious for cooking purposes, drivers report that it kept them nice and warm as they waited for the tow truck to show up.

“I just wish I lasted a little longer. Everyone loves a nice, cozy fire, but I found it a little hard to get in the mood as I sat in the breakdown lane of the freeway during rush hour,” says Tim Fields, former Bolt owner and current charred wreckage salesman.

Previously only found on the rare Prometheus trim level, Chevy has apparently now decided to include the feature standard on all new Bolts without notice. The lawsuits are already rolling in, but the automaker is standing firm, insisting that the spontaneous combustion was part of the Bolt’s design from the outset. Mark Tangello, VP of Marketing at Chevy, says the brand drew on some successful models from years gone by to inform the new Bolt’s design.

“Love it or hate it, the Pinto was an iconic vehicle. With everyone from Hollywood to the fashion industry constantly recycling old material, we figured it was time to get in on the game,” stated Tangello.

In keeping with the Bolt’s all-electric setup, Tangello says Chevy initially tried to engineer the Bolt to provide a high-voltage shock that would instantaneously charge all wireless devices within the cabin. When that idea proved too hard to market––the supercharged smartphones were too prone to explosions––engineers settled on the fiery substitute.

Some in the automotive community see the fires as a sign that Chevy isn’t ready to leave its roots behind just yet. “For over 100 years, Chevy has been making vehicles with internal combustion engines, so it should be any surprise that they’re having such a hard time kicking the habit,” says automotive historian Carl B. Raydar. “As any childhood pyromaniac knows, once you start lighting things on fire, it’s really hard to stop.”

While environmentally-friendly EV technology is certainly the wave of the future, Raydar says there’s no denying that the quiet efficiency of electric motors can’t compete with the raw, chest-hair-inducing roar of a beefy V8. “I think that Chevy went into the electric vehicle market with the best of intentions, but they just couldn’t help but make something explode,” he says.

Bowing to pressure from lawyers, special interest groups, and people who are apparently too cool for a little adventure or even some romance in their commute, Chevy is vowing to fix the hidden feature. Still, there’s some resistance from drivers who’ve come to appreciate the Bolt’s talent for spontaneous combustion. “It’s really the ultimate life hack,” says Bolt owner Dylan Cole. “I used to spend my whole drive home thinking about what I would make for dinner. Now it’s as easy as prepping something the night before, tossing it in the trunk, and by the time my melted tires roll into the driveway, it’s dinnertime!”

Bolt owner Janet Smith had a slightly different view, stating, “The Bolt was the perfect date night machine. You’ll always have a romantic fire ready to get you in the mood––from the freeway to a spot in the desert; you don’t even need kindling.”

Superfans and pending lawsuits aside, it’s a better seasonal novelty feature than the one unveiled last fall when Chevy introduced a Pumpkin Spice scent option for the Bolt’s exhaust system. Instant autumnal vibes aside, the automaker discontinued the feature after one-too-many drivers complained of carbon monoxide poisoning while running the vehicle with their garage doors closed. “Yeah, it sent half of us to the hospital, but it’s still cheaper than buying a candle,” says the heavily scented Sandy Werner.


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