Puerto Rican Governor Resigns. But What About that Truck?

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The Chevy symbol is over Rosselló's face in front of the Puerto Rican flag because his old Suburban may be a valuable used car for sale.

If you’re searching used cars for sale in San Juan, Puerto Rico – and are interested in a fully-loaded lightly-used bulletproof Chevy Suburban – well, it looks like you’ve missed your chance.

With the word ‘embattled’ being thrown around at almost unprecedented levels, the public outcry against 2nd-generation Puerto Rican Governor Ricardo Rosselló compelled the corrupt and clearly unqualified elected leader to offer his resignation.

Ricardo Rosselló (or ‘Ricky’ as he’s most commonly known) first moved into La Fortaleza (the 16th-century governor’s mansion) when he was thirteen years old. His entire life, as the privileged son of former Governor Pedro Rosselló, resulted in a certain nonchalant ignorance to the threat of consequence. And now, that ignorance seems to have gotten the best of him.

Here’s a quick refresher, in case you’ve forgotten about this historic event.

The news of Rosselló’s resignation broke on July 25th but, amidst the release of controversial chats and other indications of unethical behavior, it was the taxpayer-funded acquisition of a $245,000 Chevy Suburban that seemed to grab a lot of headlines.

With a base price of $86,950, the Chevrolet Suburban Premier trim received a ‘CEO Lite Luxury Interior Conversion’ ($58,950) in addition to an armoring package ($126,650). The total price of the vehicle then received a ‘special discount’ of $27,550. And while Rosselló claims he wasn’t involved in the decision, he did attempt to rationalize it amidst security concerns.

If nothing else, that purchase, which first broke headlines almost a year ago, was rightfully interpreted as a show of poor prioritization. And while the justified mobs of proud Puerto Ricans, chanting “¡Ricky renuncia!” in the streets of San Juan have subsided with his resignation, many of them are asking if anyone has plans for that SUV.

Of course, Rosselló had pledged the vehicle to public service in a weak attempt at damage control but, according to inside sources, it’s believed that there’s simply too much emotional baggage attached to it – necessitating the vehicle’s immediate transportation out of the island territory.

Those sources, who identify themselves as import/export professionals, alleged to The Lemon that they were contracted to transport the Suburban to the mainland U.S. but were largely unaware of what the big picture intentions for the vehicle were. The only instruction was to select a port other than Miami, which tends to be the default choice for Puerto Rican transactions.

So, where will Ricardo Rosselló’s quarter-million SUV end up, and what will be its fate?

According to the Puerto Rican community, there are bigger tostones to fry. But, as summarized so succinctly by a San Juan native Alex Faria, “Diablo, eso está cabrón. Tengo $40k en deudas. Vete al carajo.” And while we don’t speak Puerto Rican, we know ‘forty-thousand dollars’ and ‘car-a-ho’ when we hear it. Needless to say, it’s widely believed here at The Lemon that the vehicle might been promised to some sort of high-end stateside escort service.

That said, we at The Lemon would like to congratulate the people of Puerto Rico for standing up, and standing together to oust Ricardo Rosselló from office. Also, does anyone have $40,000 we can borrow for the next stage of our investigation?

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