A 16-year-old from Cincinnati is seeking a refund on a recently-purchased box truck… but his qualms with the vehicle aren’t attributed to quality or performance. Rather, the teen is angry that the vehicle isn’t attracting females.
Harry “Horn Dog” Douglas requested only one thing from his rich parents for his 16th birthday: a new car. After doing a bit of lackluster research, Harry ultimately came across his ultimate target.
“I was just searching around on Reddit, and I saw some people discussing box trucks,” he told The Lemon. “I had never heard of that type of ride before, and I definitely haven’t seen any cars shaped like a box. So, I figured the “box” aspect of the vehicle must have referred to the fact that the ride attracts a whole lot of pussy.”
Harry secured his license a week after turning 16, and he proceeded to head to a nearby dealership. His parents ultimately spent $25,000 on a brand-new box truck, and Harry was thrilled with his decision.
“Yea, it wasn’t the most attractive car, but I was looking to get laid,” he said. “I had a feeling this box truck would help me get the box. Yea, I did notice that the vehicle was kind of shaped like a box, but I just assumed that was the area where I’d get nasty with the ladies.”
Relatively quickly, Harry learned that the vehicle actually wasn’t a chick magnet. Rather, the high school sophomore was ridiculed when he drove the vehicle to school, with his classmates changing his nickname from “Horn Dog” to “Box Bitch.”
“I’m just curious how I was supposed to know the car wasn’t going to attract the ladies,” he said. “It literally has the word “box” in its title. What the fuck else would that be referring to?”
Some of his fellow classmates had a different take on Harry’s purchase.
“That kid is a fucking idiot,” said Randy Snead, the captain of the football team. “He’s constantly yelling “penis” in the cafeteria, and I’m not convinced that he knows how to add or subtract. It wasn’t all that surprising when I learned why he opted for a box truck in the first place.”
After having been rejected by several girls and realizing his mistake, Harry decided to approach the dealership about receiving a discount for the vehicle. Naturally, the business wasn’t willing to take the box truck back.
“We warned the teen multiple times that the vehicle was called a “box truck” because of its shape,” the dealership told The Lemon in a statement. “Despite our warnings, Harry still opted for the vehicle, noting that it would be “the ultimate pussy magnet.” We honestly weren’t surprised when he came back to the dealership seeking a discount, and that’s why we added a disclaimer in the contract stating we wouldn’t accept any returns. We’re not even willing to entertain the notion.”
Since his rich parents went on a cruise without him, Harry is now forced to figure out all of the logistics by himself. He has considered hiring local homeless animal attorney Hugh Janus to handle the lawsuit, but it’s uncertain that he’ll see much success in court. In the meantime, Harry has been tolerating his new ride.
“Yea, I’m disappointed with my choice,” he said. “But if I want to get to school and work, I’ve got to drive the box truck. I think it might just take some time to kick in. I have seen some ladies eyeing me as I’ve been driving down the road, so I think it’s starting to work.
