Aliens are near

Announcing findings that countless conspiracy theorists have known for years, NASA has recently revealed the most popular truck aliens prefer when abducting human beings. You may think our extraterrestrial cousins would have the same vehicular preferences as their human counterparts. With the Ford F-150 being the most popular truck sold in the US, surely the overabundant presence of this vehicle would be represented in the number of alien abductions of the past few years. However, you would be wrong. In fact, you could say that ET and his family have more to love about the Chevy line than any other truck  manufacturer out there. That is right, aliens are loyal to the Chevy brand more than any other manufacturer. Surprised? Don’t be. While Chevy trucks normally provide the performance and reliability that countless human beings love to have in their vehicle, they are also handy for a good old-fashioned alien abduction.


What Aliens Want

Everyone has their automotive preferences whether you are from this planet or not. While human beings may be concerned with things like fuel efficiency, horsepower, and torque, it’s a little bit different for alien abductors. Since they have their own means of transportation that outpace anything humans have ever built by light years, the main thing aliens are concerned with is transportability.

The invention of cars, trucks, and other automobiles has made the process of abducting humans a bit more complicated in the past few decades. Back when humans were limited to their feet or horse-drawn carriages, it was easy for an alien ship to fly down from outer space, pick an unsuspecting target, and scoop him or her up without fail. Cars, on the other hand, gave their human targets more range and speed. The inclusion of a roof also made it difficult to pick up individual human beings without crashing their heads against the lightly padded car interior.

This all means that your average alien abductor had to change tactics. Instead of picking up individual human beings, the game changed to vehicle abduction. In other words, it was all or nothing. Tractor beams had to become more powerful. Cargo space inside the spaceship had to increase. This logically led to some cars and trucks being more preferable for alien abductions than others.

Chief among them is the Chevy line of pickup trucks.


The Chevy Attraction

We all know why so many human beings love the Chevy line of pickup trucks. From performance and reliability to the long tradition a Chevy pickup embodies, there is a lot to like about these vehicles. It was a bit more of a mystery to us, however, as to why aliens would have the same preference for this lineup.

Many Chevy dealers that we talked to all have the same response. The light, strong frame of a Chevy pickup makes it ideal for quick and effective extraction operations. One Chevy dealer in Albany, New York, for example, cited the Chevy Colorado as a good case study. The same compact frame that humans love makes it easier for alien abductors to pick up their target on-the-fly.

A small and light chassis also increases fuel efficiency. You might not think about the effects of a vehicle’s size in space since weight isn’t a factor, but mass still plays an important role. Any alien wanting to get the most out of their faster-than-light engine has to think about their overall payload. When you consider the typical weight of an average adult American male, for example, it can be smart to find a vehicle that will rebalance the scales so to speak.

It turns out aliens are just like us in that regard. Why spend extra money hauling around heavier cargo when you have a buffet of Chevy trucks to choose from during your next abduction outing?


Common Complaints

Unfortunately, everything isn’t fine and dandy in the extraterrestrial abduction industry. While the availability and transportation convenience of Chevy trucks has made it easier for alien abductors to conduct business, a few unique challenges have also arisen in the past few years. For example, one common complaint is location.

Chevy is no doubt a global brand, but their trucks skew more towards the North American continent than anywhere else. That is a kind way of saying that Americans, in particular, love big, fat pickup trucks. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t make the task of abducting us any less challenging.

Aliens wanting a diverse cultural experience on earth are out of luck. While some would prefer to collect a random sampling of human beings that represent the various cultures and locations on this planet, those sticking with the Chevy truck lineup are more limited. That has forced many aliens to put common American locations like Kansas and Wyoming into their navigation systems while ignoring pretty much anywhere else.

Counter-intuitively, the build quality of Chevy trucks has also been a common thorn in the side of alien abductors. Many Chevy owners have no problem keeping their trucks outside at night, especially large full cab/full bed trucks that simply won’t fit in the average garage. An idol truck sitting outside in the darkness of night is a tempting target for any alien looking to make a quick abduction with minimal effort. Unfortunately, with more trucks being parked outside in the driveway or streets, you never know if the truck you are picking up will actually have the human prize or not.

Despite these drawbacks, most extraterrestrial captors will agree that nothing beats the feeling of scooping up a Chevy truck into your cargo hold. Even if it turns out to be nothing more than an empty shell devoid of human life, you still get a great hood ornament for your faster-than-light craft. For most aliens, the price of bringing something home after a good abduction outing is worth the hassle of finding and capturing the right target. A hood ornament is always a good second place trophy.

When it comes to spaceship bling, Chevy has a market it didn’t even know about.


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