Teen Health Warning: Vaping Can Lead to Buying a KIA

Vaping Car Salesman Pitching a Prospective CarBuyer on a KIA Covered with Pro-Vaping Bumper Stickers


Baltimore MD – In our experience, live auto news reports are crossing over to influence other industries more than ever. While cross-marketing synergies (which often make sense) are most often to blame, every once in a while there’s an overlap that we never saw coming, in an industry we wouldn’t have expected, which throws us for a loop. A near-perfect example might be a report which emerged this week from Johns Hopkins Medicine. The introduction to the press release reads as follows:

“The vascular dangers posed by vaping are well documented. With deceptive marketing campaigns targeting young consumers, and presenting e-cigarettes as a safer and less intrusive alternative to traditional smoking, an increasing number of teenagers and young adults (who might have never smoked otherwise) are exposing themselves to those documented risks.” 

“Primary risks include the accelerated stiffening and constriction of blood vessels, reducing oxygen flow. Secondary concerns, of course, relate to overall cardiovascular health as a result of the primary. And yet, medical experts are discovering new and frightening tertiary risks each and every day.”

Of course, most of us are well aware of the publicized risks associated with vaping, thanks to the countless campaigns which exist for that sole purpose. Over the last decade, the popularity of vaping has increased exponentially. In 2011, for example, only 1.5% of American high school students took part in the harmful activity. By 2017, that number had increased to 11.7%. In 2019, that rate continues to grow.

But the Johns Hopkins study reveals that the combination of (i) increased usage, and (ii) new risks demand increased urgency. As the study’s lead researcher, Dr. Andrew Martin believes that an ever-growing number of young Americans are more likely to…purchase a Kia.

“Decline in cardiovascular health creates a wide array of harmful side-effects,” explains Martin in the press release. “And while many reports have focused on those of a physical nature, it’s important to understand those of a mental nature, as well. Reduced oxygen flow can impair mental acuities, leading to less-efficient thought processes and compromised decision making. In turn, we began working with independent market researchers to determine areas where poor decision making, on lifestyle and consumer levels, were quantifiable. Enter Korean automaker Kia who, despite a challenging marketplace, manages to report increased sales each quarter, while other automakers struggle. Those increases, of course, are credited to consumers between the ages of 18-30 (the exact same group that is driving up vaping numbers). And while some might attempt to rationalize such increases as a testament to Kia’s value proposition, let’s be honest. It’s f*cking Kia. Thus, it’s logical conjecture that vaping may play a role in the uptick in Kia sales.”

Kayla (20) and Kelsea (19) discuss their love of the new Kia Telluride, in a cloud of cucumber and cotton candy.

As the father of an almost fourteen-year-old, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to being just as concerned as the rest of you. If there are two things that I didn’t raise my child to do, it’s (i) smoke and (ii) buy a subpar Korean vehicle. It’s frightening to think that those two threats are now so inexorably intertwined.

So, please…talk to your kids about Korean auto-making. And while you’re at it, be sure to discuss the dangers of vaping. If you don’t, you might end up footing the bill for a Sportage that you co-signed for…because…well, because your kid is dead.


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