Woman Takes Selfie with Jeep, Ruins Life

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A woman is taking selfies with her Jeep Cherokee, which aids in the 2019 Ford Edge vs 2019 Jeep Cherokee comparison.

Los Angeles, CA – A woman’s recent decision to take a selfie with her new purchase may have solved the month-long debate of the 2019 Ford Edge vs 2019 Jeep Cherokee. How so? Well, as you’re about to learn, only morons opt for Jeeps.

Kaitlyn McGovern recently went grocery shopping on a June afternoon. On the way home, Kaitlyn decided she was “looking cute that day,” so the woman pulled into a parking lot and began taking selfies with her new 2019 Jeep Cherokee.

Pretty innocent, right? Wrong. Kaitlyn proceeded to take more than 200 photos over the next 30 minutes, and that doesn’t include the dozens of Snapchats she sent. While she was enjoying herself, McGovern slowly let her groceries expire in the hot California sun, including a giant tub of her boyfriend’s favorite ice cream.

Still pretty innocent, right? WRONG! McGovern received the 2019 Jeep Cherokee as a gift from her father, who is a television producer. The woman also liked to flaunt her family’s wealth on social media, and her brand-new SUV was not going to be an exception. Therefore, her new Jeep was quickly serving as her BFF in all her selfies.

However, while daddy paid for many of McGovern’s toys, he did not approve of her relationship with aspiring actor, Jacob Longwood. Therefore, McGovern’s father did not pay for any of the couple’s essentials, including rent, utilities, and groceries. Since McGovern was a want-to-be Instagram model, she did not bring in an income. Therefore, Longwood is forced to pay for the couple’s entire life via his work as an extra and Burger King employee.

And that was all fine… until that fateful day in June. Longwood had had a tough week, and he was looking forward to enjoying his favorite ice cream. However, when he got home, he quickly discovered that McGovern hadn’t gone grocery shopping… or at least that’s what she said.

After some social media snooping, Longwood came across the expired groceries in the back of McGovern’s 2019 Jeep Cherokee. He was willing to ignore the practically-cooked hamburger or the chunky milk… until he came across his beloved Ben & Jerry’s melted all over the trunk.

“I’d been saving up for that ice cream for weeks,” Longwood said in a statement to police. “And then Kaitlyn went and ruined it with her stupid selfies.”

Her “stupid selfies.” Longwood had long had an issue with McGovern’s selfie infatuation, dating all the way back to their first date in 2017. Longwood wanted his girlfriend to get a job; McGovern wanted her boyfriend to provide. Only complicating matters was McGovern’s father, who didn’t like Longwood and enforced his daughter’s extravagant spending.

But would that have been enough of a motive for Longwood to kill McGovern? As you’re about to learn over the next half hour, the 2019 Jeep Cherokee isn’t as innocent as it may seem.

This is an excerpt from an upcoming Dateline episode, “The 2019 Deep Deadokee.” The Lemon has received an exclusive first look at the script, which we’ve published here in its entirety.

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