The Pumpkin Spice Wrangler is Back (This Time for Real)

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Jeep Wrangler JL in Punkn Orange, in the background of a #basicbitchselfie
Whitney Boutwell (aka @LiterallyWhitnasty)

It’s been about two years since the world was first tricked into believing that FCA intended to release a limited-edition #PumpkinSpice Wrangler aimed at all the #BasicBitches out there. Here’s a brief excerpt of our original story.

“According to industry insiders, all 1000 pre-orders were filled faster than a white girl can slip into yoga pants and Ugg boots. No, seriously…that’s not hyperbole. In anticipation of this historic release, the FCA had joined forces with Apple to track any pre-orders originating from iPhones. To absolutely no-one’s surprise, almost all of the pre-orders came from iPhone accounts registered within any of the five New England states.”

— The Lemon (October 19, 2017)

 

For further backstory, you read the full article here:

The #PumpkinSpice Jeep Wrangler is LITERALLY Here.

Some of our regular readers might remember that coverage. They might also remember that we were forced to retract our article when we found out that Whitney Boutwell (aka @LiterallyWhitNasty) – the Social Media Director responsible for leaking the story – wasn’t actually affiliated with FCA. Nothing more than a #BasicBitch herself, Boutwell was simply looking for attention (and possibly a Dunkin Donuts sponsorship) during the fall months of ‘Han Solo season’.

Young women wearing clothes that make them look like Han Solo (aka Han Solo Season)
God, help us all…

Despite claiming to have no comment, her quote that “[she had] literally nothing to say” left us to wonder how we could have been so foolish to believe someone – well – someone so stupid.

Needless to say, we’re pretty careful not to fall in the trap of basic-ass VSCO girls these days. So you can imagine our surprise at learning that the Pumpkin Spice Wrangler might actually be happening.

Few could claim surprise at the fact that sustainability ranks as one of the premier topics of conversation within the automotive industry. And while most of those talks are likely to revolve around EV and hydrogen-cell technologies, there are other (less-publicized) efforts out there, as well. And Fiat-Chrysler, known to have lagged behind other automakers in terms of cultivating those highly-publicized strategies, seems eager to embrace a strategy that they could call their own.

With Illinois producing up to 95% of the pumpkin crops intended for processing in the U.S., dozens of farms within the state have cut deals with FCA to sell them pumpkin waste and compost. FCA’s intention? To create a sustainable pumpkin-based fuel substitute, then trial that fuel with a next-gen powertrain to be found under the hood of a 2021 Wrangler JL. And yes, the intention is to release the vehicle in Punkn Orange only, and to name it the #PumpkinSpiceWrangler.

Eager to separate fact from fiction, we spoke to Martin Andrews, FCA Director of Sustainable Engineering. And while he was limited in the details he could share, Andrews was both willing and able to confirm that the project was real — and that the inspiration behind it had come from none other than the aforementioned Lemon article.

“The spark of inspiration arrives at unexpected times,“ explains Andrews. “And yes, we still plan to target female iPhone users from New England, between the age of 18-30, who actively use the Dunkin app within fall months and have substantial followings on Instagram and/or VSCO. Frankly, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel…”

VSCO Girls with Pumpkins
Like these f*cking chicks…
VSCO Girls with Pumpkins
And these two idiots…
VSCO Girls with Pumpkins
God, there’s so many…
VSCO Girls with Pumpkins
FCA and Jeep are going to make a killing!

#SorryNotSorry but we’re trying not to be offended by the realization that we haven’t been credited for what might be a multi-million dollar idea. Sk sk sk….

So, get ready, New England. Within a year, you can expect to see these at every fall venue, from apple farms to corn mazes, at football games and every time you stop to buy your morning coffee.

Also, we just don’t want to be alive anymore.

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