General Motors can’t seem to catch a break.
Criticism over layoffs and closures. The Silverado being unseated from the #2 position by the RAM 1500. And, of course, the recent barrage of criticisms being levied at them by the President of the United States, as a result of their ever-diminishing presence in Detroit. And while some would argue that their unenviable position is the result of their own poor decision-making, I know I wouldn’t want to be the one standing at the podium of their press conferences or reading prepared statements to the press. And it seems that Mary Barra, and the other execs at GM, share that sentiment — based on rumors that they’re commissioning a celebrity spokesperson to fill such uncomfortable voids, sparing them from resting atop the chopping block.
But even a celebrity with the ability to duck criticisms and survive the perils of public opinion unscathed could only be expected to endure so much. Unless, of course, that celebrity is enlightened to the point of being uniquely capable of transcending negativity in its various forms. Someone like the Dalai Lama comes to mind; unfortunately, his personal values might prevent him from assuming a role of corporate responsibility. So, if he’s out and Keanu Reeves is busy elsewhere, where does that leave us?
Three words: Jeff. Fucking. Goldblum.
In recent years, the 66-year old actor has been elevated from ‘offbeat leading man’ status to that of ‘iconically outlandish raconteur and reluctant zaddy.’ To a whole new generation of fans, he is no longer simply his character from Jurassic Park, Independence Day, The Fly (or even Transylvania 6-5000). He now presents a unique demeanor, somewhere between ‘overwhelmed-but-benevolent extraterrestrial’ and ‘flamboyant-yet-senile family friend.’ In other words, you feel that you’re safe in his company but are never quite sure what’s coming next. And it would appear that GM is looking to harness that energy to appease the masses while keeping the automotive press corps on their toes.
And what inspired this strategy?
Recently, Goldblum (who plays a supporting role in the Disney-owned Marvel Comics Cinematic Universe) was asked for his thoughts on the announcement that Marvel and Sony couldn’t reach an agreement regarding the film rights for Spiderman. Here was his response:
“No! This is the first I’ve heard of it. I’m crestfallen. Sk-sk-sk-sk. Save. What’s happening? I didn’t know of any of this” adding “I-I-I’m not a business person. You’re speaking. Whatever you’re saying is Greek to me. But all these…the mountains of Brodechure…and, uh…ehhh…I don’t know…it’ll all work out, I’m sure. Uh Eh. Good luck. Uh Eh. They’ll figure it out.”
Such confidence. Such charisma. Such eloquence. And that shirt. Why wouldn’t GM want to enlist Jeff Goldblum’s assistance in strong-arming public opinion into a state of compliant confusion? Also, what is Brodechure? Did we spell that right? Is it Italian? Should we think it sounds as delicious as it does?
Bottom-line, thirty seconds with Jeff Goldblum is guaranteed to leave you with more questions than answers. And yet, despite that confusion, one can’t help but feel a sense of contentment from the simple realization that we walk the same cosmic orb as Jeff Goldblum. I can’t wait to see him answer questions about continuing relations with the UAW.