Funny and crazy man using a computer

After a mere 16-hours in business, a Bethesda MD used car dealership is closing its doors after (what is being called) a ‘massive marketing fail.’

Upon its opening Rocheleau Bros. Auto Sales first introduced itself as “offering a helping hand to those with challenged credit.” While a common tactic employed by car dealerships, by all accounts, owners Roland and Heath Rocheleau had the best of intentions. We spoke to the brothers to get a better understanding of the events leading up to their surprisingly unsurprising closing.

“Buy Here Pay Here dealerships tend to get a bad reputation,” stated Heath, the younger of the Rocheleau brothers. “All too often, you hear stories of dealerships manipulating credit-challenged customers, leading them to buy a vehicle they can’t afford. By setting them up to fail, repossession is inevitable. The dealer empowers themselves to resell the vehicle for further profit, while the customer does further damage to their credit. Having grown up in a small town that didn’t have a lot of money, we just wanted to help people.”

Roland, the elder brother, added, “I likes boo-berry muffins,” before proceeding to urinate indiscriminately on the waiting room reading material. And yes, we were just as confused as you are.

According to Heath, the intention was to generate some initial excitement and momentum by offering a special deal on used trucks for sale. The promotion was intended to target the credit challenged clientele that the brothers had hoped to help.

“Unfortunately, I let my idiot brother handle it,” explained Heath regretfully.

Heath asked that we clarify that his brother suffers from no developmental issues, neurochemical issues or lack of education. He’s simply a moron. Roland elaborated further by pointing at the sky and yelling, “Ferrets” before running around the lot in his boxer shorts.

“Despite his numerous shortcomings, my brother is an endearing and likable guy. So, during the promotion, his job was to greet customers and find out what trucks they were interested in. Perhaps some of the blame rests on my shoulders for not properly explaining HOW we were going to help our credit-challenged customers.”

Sara Winters was one of those credit-challenged customers who Roland greeted upon her arrival. “He was very friendly,” she offered. “He asked what kind of truck I was interested in, even though I was already looking over a 2015 Chevy Silverado. I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not, so I said ‘this one.’ That’s when he handed me the keys. I had assumed he was suggesting that I take it for a test-drive.”

According to Ms. Winters, Roland then said “You Pretty Lady” and told her that she could have the truck. She then elaborated, “God knows I’m shady as f*ck, so I took the truck and got the hell out of there.”

The rumor mill went to work quickly, and throughout the day, vehicles began disappearing off the lots, leaving only a handful of models left to buy.

‘I made lots of new friends,” said Roland, proudly.

With no paperwork to back up the missing vehicles, authorities have relied solely upon security cameras to track down the individuals who benefited from the elder brother’s mistake. And unless they are able to track down each individual to recover the vehicles given away, the dealership will have no choice but to close their doors. Miss Winters was one of the individuals who they have been successful in locating.

“I had to return the truck until I was able to finalize my actual financing agreement. That said, now I have a new truck and a new love. Roland and I are planning a fall wedding.”

“I have to poop,” Roland added.


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