Certified Pre-Owned Chevy

Have you ever heard the saying, “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig”? If your ears have never been burdened by such homespun rhetoric, rest easy, the simple truth is that such things are rarely said outside the southeast and gulf state regions. But the saying has taken on a far more aggressive correlation thanks to a West Virginia state senator, whose relatable ‘grassroots charm’ has proved divisive to critics, nationwide. As part of his small-town tour, State Senator Beau Mason Macavoy IV found himself making his way through the district that he so proudly represented. Proving a perfect opportunity to meet and speak with his constituents, such appearances call for the inevitable blur of hands to shake, babies to kiss and countless topics demanding sincere conversation. But it also means the chance to strengthen his bond with local businesses. Enter Skeeter McDaniels’ Certified Pre Owned Chevy, the largest car dealership in scenic Kitchen, West Virginia. With a vast and diverse inventory consisting of over seventeen certified pre-owned Chevrolet cars, trucks and SUVs, the dealership (known best to locals as “Skeeters Place”) is known to have provided vehicles to most of Kitchen’s 782 adult residents.

Skeeter McDaniels, owner, and operator of the dealership voiced his excitement over Macavoy’s visit. “Maybe we’ll make one of them commercials together,” he said, referring to community access television spots which Skeeter makes (using a VHS camcorder that he borrows from his uncle-cousin Ray-Ray). Surprisingly popular among the inbreeding slaw-jaws that make up Kitchen’s population, Skeeter’s idea to have the State Senator guest star in a commercial was actually quite inspired. Not bad for a guy whose brain is only operating at 42% (following an extremely flawed vasectomy attempt back in ’04).

Part of what made the idea so compelling was Macavoy’s popularity among the predominantly rural pro-gun, pro-Confederate West Virginian community. With that in mind, Skeeter’s idea was to have the State Senator stand there, holding a gun in one hand and a confederate flag in the other. Surrounded by cars and an assortment of adorable pigs, he would then pick up a pig and say, “I heard someone say that buying a Certified Pre Owned Chevy was like putting lipstick on a pig!” He would then put lipstick on the pig and wink at the camera, as a tongue-in-cheek ending to the light-hearted commercial.

“So, when he showed up, I handed him the script and he seemed excited when he read it,” says Skeeter. “So, he agreed to film the commercial right then and there. Hoooey! I aint never been so excited.”

As Ray-Ray called ‘action,’ Macavoy seemed a natural in front of the camera. In fact, he even expressed an interest in ad-libbing a little. Each time he finished putting the lipstick on the pig, he would turn to the camera, and say something like…

“See? Pretty enough to kiss” or…

“Oh. Like you wouldn’t” or…

“C’mon down and get your pork o”

Even Skeeter claimed to be uncomfortable with the ad-libbing, clarifying “and I ain’t no prude! I took my little sister to the prom! TWICE! But I ain’t never wanted to do nothing with no pig,” adding,”well, except for Becky Lee Kittering, if you know what I mean. But we don’t do a lot of judging ‘round here. We’ll find some way to make the footage work. And hey, the world needs to be a little more open-minded anyway, right?”

Residents of Kitchen, West Virginia can expect to see the television ad hit airwaves sometime next week, between “Hillbilly Pawn” and “Inbred Antique Roadshow.”


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