Bringing a child into the world can spur a lot of changes in a person’s life. Gone are late nights, freedom, and the absence of stickiness, as well as your waistline and that sporty two-door coupe you’ve been cruising around in. The shift to a more practical vehicle is an inevitable part of parenthood, and while you might now be the Baby on Board-emblazoned picture of suburban bliss you once feared, it’s time to get real. With so many options on the market catering to this domestic demographic, it can be tough to decide, but one new vehicle on the market aims to make it easier than ever. Still, the question remains, is a new or used Chrysler Pacifica a good van for growing families?
The humble minivan has earned its reputation as the perfect family vehicle; spacious and roomy, the van is nothing if not a big box to put your kids in. Working to further exploit this domestic connection, Chrysler recently announced a new aftermarket trim for its Pacifica that will allow those expecting to enter parenthood with a bang.
With the Pacifica Gender Reveal (GR) Edition, Chrysler aims to capitalize on the current trend of obnoxiously telling everyone what’s going on in your personal life regardless of their actual interest. Available on all new and used Pacificas, the exclusive trim includes a bevy of attention-grabbing new features, including headlight modifications, an exhaust overhaul, and chromatic horn tuning.
“With new moms and dads across the country eagerly blowing themselves up and sparking massive wildfires, we knew we had the chance to exploit the social construct of gender all the way to the bank,” says Morgan Hanrahan, Senior PR Director at Chrysler.
The GR Edition trim comes with a unique pricing model that also correlates directly to gender. Normally priced at around $1,000, this optional upgrade is reduced to $820 for any drivers expecting female children, reflecting the average disparity in earnings between men and women.
The GR Edition trim uses three distinct approaches to let every driver on the road know exactly what’s cooking in the oven. The exhaust modification ensures the Pacifics will produce either pink or blue exhaust, a colorful expression of excitement that does actually incur some emissions-related penalties.
For a nominal fee, drivers can upgrade the exhaust to include a range of olfactory infusions, allowing the Pacificas to serve as the perfect celebratory assault on all five senses. These gendered aromas include Grass Clippings, India Pale Ales, and Arby’s for Boys by DiGiorgio Armani to a distinctly more feminine palette that includes Pumpkin Spice, Brunch, and Anne Taylor Loft.
The horn tuning allows drivers to choose from a range of ear-splitting alerts to announce their joy to drivers across every lane of traffic. “Who needs an old-fashioned birth announcement in the mail or on social media when you can cause short-term hearing loss on a busy highway,” asks Hanrahan. The horn, tuned specifically to either a male or female setting, will replace the familiar “beep” with the gender of your child, turning even the most minor traffic infraction into the perfect opportunity to remind people “it’s a BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.”
Lastly, the van’s headlights are retrofitted to include a transparency of the baby’s sonogram. By fitting a film over the Pacifica’s LED headlights, parents can project their bouncing baby fetus into oncoming traffic, illuminating America’s roadways with pride and joy. This feature isn’t only fun; it’s proven to be informative as well, with at least one set of parents realizing that their doctor’s initial gender assessment was a little off after another motorist politely informed them that it was just a finger after all.
These features are all easily removed after birth, and Chrysler offers a complimentary application of an everything-resistant coating that will last for the next 18 years. With the Pacifica, Chrysler is here to celebrate every stage of a family’s unique journey.
