Chevy Dealer Aims to Prove That “Everything is More Inclusive in Texas”

The Texas flag with the words

Fort Worth TX – While seemingly archaic (when viewed in this politically-correct landscape) there’s an old anecdote commonly used by Texans to criticize one another based on their city, town or place of origin. Stop me if you’ve heard it before, but it goes something like “only two things come from (insert location): steers and (derogatory comment for homosexuals). Which are you?” The point, of course, is to imply that first, the person on the receiving end of the question is a homosexual (based on wherever they call home) and secondly that such an implication is to be viewed as a negative. Hardly an inclusive mentality, but still not entirely uncommon in today’s world. And that is something that the owner of a Texas car dealership is looking to change. So, if you are an open-minded Texan deciding to support businesses that share your inclusive values and are looking for a brand new Chevrolet, Fort Worth might just have the perfect place for you to visit.

Meet August “Tag” Donaldson, heir to the Donaldson Oil fortune and the primary owner of Donaldson Chevrolet. For the last eleven years he has placed his inheritance at risk by challenging the traditions upheld by the Donaldson family, which his father recently described as “Ford Tough, Since Day One”.

By all accounts, “Big Black” Reginald Donaldson III is the kind of patriarch who diligently enforces the kind of family traditions that were handed down to him by his daddy, “Bigger Black” Reginald Donaldson Jr. (who learned them from his daddy, “Biggest Black” Reginald Donaldson Sr.) Such traditions include (i) a dedication to milk Mother Earth’s teet of its rich black milk, (ii) an appreciation of a hard crease in a pair of rigidly starched blue jeans and (iii) a lack of willingness to drive anything other than a top-tiered Ford pickup truck. In fact, one could argue that it’s like-minded Texans who continue to propel the F-Series upwards of the $100K mark with luxury inspired variants. It also seems suspicious that any dealership, other than Ford dealerships, located within a twenty-mile radius of the Donaldson family compound has either been bought out or forced into closure.

But Tag Donaldson has no interest in passing on the hang-ups of his predecessors. By daring to secure outside financing to launch a dealership – let alone a Chevy dealership – the rebellious heir has garnered a lot of attention.

“I realize that I could lose my inheritance as a result of this, and I don’t care. I realize that my dealership might end up yet-another casualty of the Donaldson Oil Empire, but I don’t care about that either. I know that my father is a closed-minded, cold-blooded S.O.B. but the people of Texas deserve more choices than just Ford pickups, and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to make sure that they have that choice! Everyone is welcome at Donaldson Chevrolet. EVERYONE. Because there are more than two things that come from Fort Worth, and I’m here to help you find the one that’s best suited to you!”

We attempted to reach “Big Black” for comment but, according to his receptionist, he was “out hunting the most dangerous game”. We shudder to imagine what that means, so, if you’re interested in visiting Donaldson Chevrolet – give it a day or two – okay?


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here