Chevy Offers Spring Breakers Free Ride Into The Ocean

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Two teens are sitting in front of a hookah, the Chevy logo and a hand holding car keys.

It’s Spring Break, and Florida is open for business. With cloudless skies and beautiful surf, the Sunshine State wants to make sure it lives up to it’s billing as America’s Wang and piss all over any notion of home quarantine. Because, after all, college kids have the right to binge drink and soak up some rays! After all, there’s always been some diseases passed around from student to student during Spring Break, what’s a little coronavirus to go along with it? Well, General Motors fully understands, which is why the company is sending down it’s new Chevy vehicles down to Florida to give the spring breakers a free one-way ride directly into the ocean.

Chevy knows it is going to take a major loss on this one, but as the company spokesperson said in a released statement Monday night: “we here at Chevrolet support college students in living out their dreams. Our market research indicates most of the Florida bound spring breakers like to live life to the fullest, which includes consuming copious amounts of alcohol and driving convertible Corvettes into the Atlantic Ocean.”

When asked for comment, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said: ”I will not stand in the way of partiers and their desire to get behind the wheel of multi-ton vehicles. After all, they are not Florida residents, and, as such, we have no jurisdiction over them. So as long as they pick up all their trash, bottles, and coronavirus and take it with them when they leave, well, I believe that to be a win-win for the state and for the great people of Florida.”

Chevy has reported it is sending down the very latest of its vehicle line. This includes the all-new Corvette Stingray, Camaro, and the Suburban. After all, not all college students like to drive with the top down. Some prefer to drive seven and eight people deep. It also sinks faster thanks to the added sheet metal weight, which is good news for those vehicles behind the Suburbans; they won’t need to wait as long to drive into the ocean.

Why buy new Chevy vehicles when you can spread diseases on a beach like the one shown here with the words Spring Outbreak.

As for the potential environmental impact, scientists are not completely on the same page. There are those that point to the potential fluid leaks into the Atlantic and Gulf waters. However, there are others who believe the sunken vehicles may function as a starting point for a new coral reef, which has been damaged in recent years due to the increase in high-speed hurricanes. Both groups of scientists agree it is for the betterment of mankind to look beyond the short-term environmental impact of the submerged and sunken vehicles and embrace the benefits. It will eventually bring new life back to the ocean floor around the state of Florida, and it will go a long way in riding both COVID-19 from the United States as well as ignorant stupidity. At least for the time being.

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