Chevy Spark to Star in 2019 Movie? And it’s NOT a Comedy?

A man frames up a shot for the camera man for a 2019 Chevy Spark

Los Angeles CA – Just days before the film’s December 21st release, Paramount Pictures announced the next chapter in the Transformer film series, following this year’s holiday blockbuster ‘Bumblebee’. While executives are remaining tight-lipped, E! Entertainment Televisions is reporting that the film will be based around a Transformer, whose automotive form is that of a 2019 Chevy Spark and will be directed by former child/now lumpily-misshapen adult actor, Haley Joel Osment.

And despite the topical newsworthiness of the announcement, it’s the public reaction to the announcement that seems to making more ripples. To-date the Transformer franchise exceeds $4 Billion in worldwide box office gross before ‘Bumblebee’ has even had a chance to make a splash. This has led Transformer loyalists and critics alike to ask why Paramount wouldn’t follow-up the intimate and heartwarming ‘Bumblebee’ with something a little more daring, tonally. Why choose a vehicle as uninspired as the Spark?

And according to E! the feedback has inspired Paramount, Osment and Kevin Wade (the screenwriter behind Jennifer Lopez’ 2002 Rom-Com, ‘Maid in Manhattan’) to consider changes to the film’s overall tone.

Earlier today, TMZ confronted Haley Joel Osment, who provided some insights as to that most recent announcement. “It’s universe-building,” he explains. “Take the Avengers. Not all individual movies have the same tone. Some are darker. Some are lighter. Star Wars is doing the same thing now. We’re just following suit.”

But ‘Maid in Manhattan’? Really? Is their goal to create the first feel-good romantic comedy of the Transformer franchise? Is the Transformer truly more than meets the eye? Could they possibly be robot LOVERS in disguise?

If we’re slaves to speculation it would appear that’s exactly where ‘SPARK’ will be headed. And with that in mind, it’s logical to assume that the paint-by-numbers mentality of romantic comedy screenwriting will create a relatively formulaic film. While we may be giving the creative team too little credit, here’s our take on what the film might consist of (based on the information above).

It begins with an iconic, yet familiar setting. This is why most romantic comedies take place in either (i) a major city, or (ii) a small-town that could be your own. The setting also needs to have a believable class structure, allowing you to establish that the “eventual couple” is separated by believable means. Since the Chevy Spark is cute, accessible and quirky (the automotive equivalent of early 90’s Meg Ryan) let’s go with Seattle.

Being the music scene of the 90’s it makes sense that the super-cool romantic lead would be a musician of some sorts. Which, combined with recent waves of nostalgia, makes our guess as to who the other Transformer will be. Soundwave, a member of the Cassette-Warriors, defied the norm by transforming (NOT into an automobile, but) into a 1980’s-era audio cassette player. Whether or not this implies an aspect of time travel remains to be seen. Maybe it’ll be something along the lines of a ’13 Going on 30’ situation.

Which touches on the appeal of the Spark as the formulaic innocent protagonist. The Spark isn’t rich and flashy like the Corvette Z06, macho like the Silverado 3500HD, or tech-centric like Bolt EV. It’s not entirely unlike the unassuming teenager who relates to every Taylor Swift lyric. It’s relatable.

And speaking of T-Swift, every romantic comedy needs to have a fire soundtrack. It’s a key part of the formula and needs at least one iconic (if-not-unthreatening) song that will appear during ‘The Moment’ so that the audience knows when Soundwave and Spark fall in love. It needs to be catchy enough to become the mainstay of every wedding, school dance and radio show dedication that year. So, why wouldn’t you make it a Taylor Swift song? We tried to contact the artist to get her thoughts but we were told that Taylor couldn’t come to the phone right now. We asked why, and were told that she’s dead. Of course, we might have just been stoned and talking to our playlist again.

Granted, these are just our predictions…but time will tell. Who knows what could come from the creative mind of Haley Joel Osment? While he may have never actually seen dead people in real life, he was busted by at the Las Vegas In ’n Out Burger for engaging in lewd acts with a milkshake.

Talk about romance…


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