A woman crying over a dying man on a bed

In a story that most would consider unbelievable, it has been reported that for the first time in reported history, someone’s mind was actually changed by something they saw on social media.  That’s right, a year removed from the most exhausting election in social media history, humanity had grown to accept that even the most hilarious of memes would never sway our staunchly-held convictions. That is until a man searching for Chevy Cars Albany would find his lifelong goals shattered.

In 1992, Jeff Hanscomb was a 15-year old high school sophomore, trying out for the junior varsity football team in Albany, NY. His plans were simple: make the team, have a kickass sophomore year, get his learner’s permit, and start shopping for a Chevy truck with money that he had been putting away for years. Unfortunately, Jeff Hanscomb’s plans would soon be derailed.

At 4-foot-eleven and 120 lbs, he was among the more diminutive walk-ons; but Jeff would attach his tryout with both confidence and veracity. Unfortunately, his intensity and lack of experience would result in a traumatic head injury that would leave him comatose for more than three decades.

It’s important to keep in mind that 1992 was a simpler time. People smoked in restaurants. It would be nearly a decade until the events of 9-11. O.J. Simpson was starring in comedies. The only high-school student with a cell-phone had been Saved By The Bell’s Zach Morris. And the internet was years away from becoming a guiding influence in our daily lives.

So, when Mr. Hanscomb emerged from his coma in late August of 2017, he found himself in a world that was significantly different from the one he had known. Most notably was the fact that he was almost forty years of age. But when he was cleared by his specialists to resume daily life, an even greater surprise was the accessibility offered by the internet.

“All I wanted to do was live, and buy the car that I’d always wanted,” explained Mr. Hanscomb. “I was looking for the phone book to find a local dealership when I was introduced to my 22-year old triplet nephews, Aiden, Jayden, and Cayden. They weren’t sure what I meant by ‘phone book’, but explained that everything could be found online. I had no idea what they meant until they showed me, and then everything changed!”

After some brief exploration of the historical events of the years he had missed, and seven confused replays of ‘Gangnam Style’, Hanscomb would begin a search for his dream vehicle. Typing Chevy into his Google search bar, the results were surprising.

“All my life I was a Chevy guy, but I had no idea what they had become. Suddenly I see everyone from Captain Jean-Luc Picard to Maury Povich protesting against Chevys. It even appears that only gay people drive Chevy’s now…not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

Mr. Hanscomb’s confusion stems from the fact that his search results had yielded a string of anti-Chevy memes, which he was mistakenly taking as fact. Unfortunately, his nephews made no effort to explain that the memes were jokes, then again, that’s the kind of douchebaggery you should expect from kids named Aiden, Jayden, and Cayden.

Unwilling to let them shatter his dreams, we explained it to him over a number of hours. While confused by how people spend their time in 2017, he is now happily test-driving Silverados, just as he had always wanted to.

He has even started to appreciate memes a little bit more. In fact, he credits one in particular for instilling him with the confidence to resume athletic competitions and is now signing up for local triathlons. “It’s like Bruce Jenner says in that meme: it all started when I bought my first Chevy!”


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