Jeep Compass to be Outfitted with All-New Riot-Avoidance Technology

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The infotainment screen of a Used Jeep Compass is showing a riot.

Driver-assist technologies are all the rage among carmakers these days. With tons of great features like lane departure warning and blind-spot monitoring, driving a used Jeep Compass from a recent model year, or any other newer vehicle for that matter, has never been safer. And parking a car is easier than ever too, with many models coming equipped with rear park assist.

While all of these technologies have made America’s roads very safe, there is one unexpected recent development that has caused some damage and made things a little less safe for drivers: riots.

A New Technology

The current riot epidemic that is sweeping the nation has left numerous cities in shambles and made driving in those cities a difficult task indeed. The good news, though, is that Jeep is taking back America’s roads and giving it to the people. This longtime maker of off-road vehicles is introducing a brand new driver-assist technology that will keep you and your family from accidentally meandering your way into a molotov cocktail or Target as rioters are looting it. It’s called: Riot-Avoidance Alert.

How this exciting new technology works is deceptively simple. Using GPS, radio, and a few other tracking and news following technologies, Jeeps with Riot-Avoidance Alert will scan the area around where you are driving for news or other signs of a riot. If there is a riot near you, a pleasant voice with a British or Scottish accent (your choice) will inform you that there is a riot nearby and give you several routes to avoid the riot.

Effectiveness of Riot-Avoidance Alert

In early trials of the new technologies, drivers were very impressed as the Riot-Avoidance Alert system kept drivers out of riots 89% of the time. There is some indication that even more would have been able to avoid the riots, but they actually wanted to go there to get a free TV and smash a few windows.

One driver who used the Riot-Avoidance Alert system to steer clear of a riot in Portland stated, “The [system] was very easy to use. I was just driving into the city to pick up my dog from a friend who had been watching him for the week when all of a sudden, I heard this great British voice repeating the words’ riot, riot, riot.’ Then I followed the alternate route and made it to my friends three hours later. My dog had run away by the time I got there because he was afraid of the riots, and I haven’t found him yet, so that’s no good, but the Riot-Avoidance Alert worked great.”

An image is showing people rioting in the street with a large fire burning.

How Can You Get Riot-Avoidance Alerts?

Jeep is planning to introduce the new Riot-Avoidance Alert in all-new Jeep Compass models and has even announced that it will retrofit all used Jeep Compass models that are brought in to a Jeep dealership before December 23rd. (Disclaimer: after December 23rd, there will no longer be any riots, and life will pretty much go back to normal).

There is some irony to the fact that Jeep, the king of the off-road, is helping to make America’s roads safe again, but it speaks to the brand’s unwavering commitment to innovation and the well-being of their customers. No matter what challenges we may face, we can trust Jeep to not only help us avoid riots but also stay safe no matter where we are driving.

One final note: Jeep is also working on a driver-assist technology that will actually direct you to the nearest riot if you really want to blow off some steam. It is expected that this technology will be popular and very welcomed and round out the Jeep suite of driver-assist technologies nicely.

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