If you’re one of my loyal readers (and you better be!), then you already know by now that I’m passionate about only a few things: socks, making my own sausage, and the gelatin capacity of American-made SUVs. While a lot of other people are looking at the 2021 Ford Bronco vs 2021 Ford Bronco Sport with an eye toward engine options, off-road capability, their interior features, and more, I don’t care about any of those things.
Oh no, I have my own interests and my own needs to satisfy. Dark needs that I can’t talk about in the light of day, nor legally discuss within the jurisdiction of several Eastern-European countries that aren’t as forward-thinking as some of us. The point is, what I’m really interested in when looking at a new vehicle, is just how much flavored gelatin dessert I can load into it. And, perhaps more to the point, how many boxes of said gelatin I’m going to need––I have weekend plans to make, after all.
I’ve run the numbers and done the math, so you don’t have to. Now I’ll share with you, and we can embark on this profane journey together.
Interior Capacity – 2021 Ford Bronco
Before we get to the delicious portion of today’s program, let’s take a moment to look at some numbers, so we’re all on the same page. If you’re going to fill your vehicle with flavored gelatin, you need to be able to anticipate how much you have to make. That’s just logic when turning your SUV into a massive gelatin mold, and you need to be reasonable about it.
The 2021 Ford Bronco is the larger of the two vehicles we’re looking at today, so we’ll start with it. To get a good sense of just how much gelatin we’re going to need, let’s look at the total interior volume of the vehicle. The Bronco has two rows of seats, so we’ll consider the total passenger volume, as well as the cargo volume behind the second row––that will let us see the total interior volume. But, looking at the numbers, there’s a couple of issues.
You see, there are two versions available: one with two doors and one with four doors, and the two-door model is smaller and gives you less room. Furthermore, the four-door version of the Bronco has two different roof options: a soft top and a hardtop. I don’t feel like looking at three different sets of numbers, so I’m going to simplify this whole thing and assume that we want to fill the four-door version with a hardtop––I feel like that will be the one that’s easiest to use for our gelatinous purposes. If you want one of the other models, go for it––but you’ll need to do the math yourself.
So, for the hardtop, four-door 2021 Ford Bronco, we can see it has a passenger volume of 103.7 cu.ft. Behind the second row of seats, you get 35.6 cu.ft. of cargo space. Elementary math will tell us that together, we have 139.3 cu.ft. of total interior space for our flavored gelatin. Good.
Interior Capacity – 2021 Ford Bronco Sport
Fortunately, the 2021 Ford Bronco Sport is a simpler model to look at since it’s only available as a four-door version. There’s a small hitch with the Sport, however, in that there’s an available moonroof that impacts the total passenger space. At first, I was going to ignore this and go with a model without the moonroof for more room inside, but I think the moonroof will make pouring the gelatin mixture into the vehicle a lot easier, so I’ve chosen a model with it.
Looking at the numbers from Ford, we can see the Bronco Sport, with a moonroof, has a passenger volume of 102.3 cu.ft. and up to 32.4 cu.ft. of cargo volume behind the second row of seats. The engine you choose actually has an impact on how much cargo volume you get in the rear of the Bronco Sport, but I don’t really care about that. I’m going with whatever gives me the most room because Rutherfjord hungry!
So, that means we have 134.7 cu.ft. of total volume inside the Bronco Sport to work with. That’s actually less than 5 cu.ft. of difference between the two models––I had expected it to be more significant. Good to know that any Bronco you choose will work for your most depraved desires.
A Standard Box of Flavored Gelatin Mix
Now then, looking at a box of basic flavored gelatin mix, we can see that to make one 3-ounce box of jigglesome yumminess, we need 1 cup of boiling water and 1 cup of cold water, producing 2 cups of final deliciousness. If you choose a larger box of mix, then you’ll need more water, of course, but the proportions will be the same, so it doesn’t really matter.
Putting the Numbers Together
Before we can really use all of this information, we need to make a few conversions so our numbers can play nicely together. We’re talking about volume here, so I’m going to use liters because I’m a civilized human being, and not some barnyard animal wallowing in my own crapulence and ranting about “gallons.” Filthy peasants.
So, our two cups of gelatin translate to about 0.473 liters, which is easy enough. Now we’ll simply convert our interior capacities for our vehicles from before:
- 2021 Ford Bronco – 139.3 cu. ft. = 3,944.537 liters
- 2021 Ford Bronco Sport – 134.7 cu. ft. = 3,814.279 liters
Fantastic! I don’t know about you, but just looking at those numbers has me salivating. A quick bit of math will tell us that we can fit just over 8,339 packages of flavored gelatin into our standard Ford Bronco; and about 8,064 packages of it into the Ford Bronco Sport. Truly marvelous, now we know just how much we’re going to need––though I always buy a dozen or so extra just to be safe. The tricky part is going to be heating more than 4,000 liters of water to boiling, but all problems have solutions.
Spicing Things Up a Bit!
Just in case you’ve been filling vehicles up with flavored gelatin for so long that it’s getting a bit dull for you, we’ve all been there, and I thought I’d give you one more bit of advice. You can really spice things up a bit by adding some chopped fruit to the mixture once it’s firmed up a bit, so the fruit will be suspended throughout the wondrous confection. I like to use strawberry gelatin and some chopped cantaloupe for this, but you can go ahead and use whatever you want.
In general, about a cup of chopped fruit per package of gelatin will give you a good balance and plenty of fruit in your dessert. A medium cantaloupe will get you about 4 cups of cubes, which means you need about 2,084 cantaloupes for the standard Ford Bronco, and around 2,016 for the Bronco Sport. That might seem like a lot, but the end result will be more than worth it.
Have fun out there, kids!
Editor’s Note: After a recent incident that we’re not allowed to divulge, under the terms of the settlement and NDA, we must remind you to allow ALL passengers to exit your vehicle before filling it with flavored gelatin dessert mix. No matter what sort of fetish you might indulge in, safe play is always a must! Thank you.